Ask Amy: Gift instructions baffle guest

Dear Amy: How should I react to some of the baffling requests for gifts when invited to wedding showers, weddings and baby showers?

I just received an invitation for my niece’s baby shower (my sister is her mom). Her request was for a book instead of a card. Fine, but she also is asking for a gift. She then offered to enter guests in a raffle if they bring a package of diapers. This is in addition to the gift and the book.

She said not to wrap the gift, and to have it sent directly to her home, so she could visit with her guests instead of opening these gifts in front of them (not because opening gifts and acknowledging the people giving them is tedious or schlepping the gifts home is annoying).

And she’s not the only one. At a baby shower for a friend’s daughter, I felt I’d broken the rules when I gave a gift that was not on the registry.

Am I just overly sensitive? Can I decline some of these events and send a not-so-extravagant gift? Or do I have to suck it up, even though I think this trend brings out money-grubbing expectations that have very little to do with connecting with others?

Amy says: Anyone can ask for anything. But receiving a request does not obligate you to do anything about it, except to politely RSVP to an invitation.

When I was an expectant mother, baby showers were held in someone’s living room; gifts were opened in front of the guests, who were thanked and acknowledged at the time and — if the expectant mother was savvy and polite — a note would be sent to each of the guests afterward.

(I do like the trend toward not wrapping gifts at these huge events, because of the waste.)

Registries can be extremely helpful (they tell you what the recipient wants or needs), but you are not obligated to buy a gift off of a registry.

Dear Amy: I’ve been with my girlfriend, “Stella” for three years. We are in our late-20s. Stella is great. She is gorgeous and loving and very nice. Everyone loves her.

The problem I’m having is that she believes whatever conspiracy nonsense has most recently floated through her social media feed. Most of this misinformation has to do with health-related issues, and because she follows and comments on it, she is fed more of it.

She can believe whatever she wants, but now this is starting to interfere with my own life because she is trying to influence me. For instance, her latest conspiracy is that cellphones cause cancer, so I’m not supposed to use my phone.

Amy says: What a person thinks — and how a person thinks — is not a trivial matter.

According to you, your girlfriend is also trying to control you. Do you want to go through life having to defend your own rational choices? Do you want to have a family with someone whose views about health and wellness are so radically different from your own?

I sincerely doubt it.