Forget the partridge in a pear tree and the aviary that goes with it.
Think of the maintenance.
Ditto the milk maids, drummers, pipers and leaping lords. Even a one-percenter would have trouble lodging that much staff.
What you want are 12 days of luxury books. All they need is a shelf and an occasional airing. Hey, you could even read them.
Art and artists, architecture and interiors, fashion and rare birds are delicious diversions for the holidays. Here are a dozen delights. Pursue them.
Monumental Venice (Vendome, $150): Jacques Boulay's panoramic photos of Venice unfold to nearly 6 feet wide in this glorious tribute to a luminous city of echoing plazas and shimmering canals. Taken in summer sun and winter mists, the images lovingly record sparkling canals, crumbling palazzos and gilded churches. He captures all of the iconic spots: the Doges palace: the wedding-cake interior of La Fenice opera house, rebuilt after a 1996 fire; the market stalls near the Rialto bridge, and the Gesuiti church whose marble pulpit is carved to resemble velvet brocade.
Artists in Love: A Century of Creative and Romantic Partnerships (Welcome Books, $65): In a fascinating mix of art and biography, Veronica Kavass smartly focuses on 29 of the 20th century's most famous artist partnerships at the moment of their greatest creative sizzle. Illustrated with wonderful art and photos, the book is rich in unexpected poetry and tender insights into the tangled lives of, among others, Picasso and Françoise Gilot, Alfred Stieglitz and Georgia O'Keeffe, Robert Rauschenberg and Jasper Johns, Lee Miller (shown bathing in Hitler's tub!) and Man Ray, whose heart she broke.
The Art Book: New Edition (Phaidon Press, $60): From Abramovic to Zurbaran, this endlessly absorbing tome introduces one work each by 575 alphabetically arranged artists spanning 700 years of paintings, sculpture, photography, performance and video art. It's the unexpected juxtapositions that make the book so compulsively readable -- Bernini's St. Theresa swooning in religious ecstasy across from Joseph Beuys' felt suit. Fun!