Prosecutors will not charge Kiss rocker Gene Simmons over an alleged attack on a couple at an upscale outdoor mall . . . The district attorney's office stated in documents Wednesday that there was not enough evidence the 60-year-old musician threatened Nathan Marlowe and his wife Cynthia Manzo at The Grove mall in Los Angeles last December.
Marlowe had said the musician choked the couple and took their video camera after they started filming the star, while Simmons told police that Marlowe shoved the camera in his face and that he feared for his family's safety.
And then he stole Heather Locklear’s car! Just kidding. But there’s a lot of distance between those two descriptions; in Simmons’ view, the life-threatening camera is attacking his family, and in Marlowe’s telling, Simmons is able to choke both of them simultaneously while stealing their camera, possibly with his tongue.
But there’s more!
Simmons also faces a separate civil lawsuit, which was filed Thursday in Los Angeles by makeup artist Victoria Jackson, on allegations of sexual assault and battery. She is seeking unspecified damages.
In court documents, Jackson claimed she was working for ESPN Sports Center on Nov. 24, 2009, when she met Simmons wearing his Kiss costume. She alleged that Simmons said "in a lecherous and inappropriate manner, 'I like you.'" Jackson claimed Simmons then shook her hand, grabbed and hugged her, with his costume's spiked chest plate jabbing her in the face.
And now, in the interests of fairness, Mr. Simmons’ side:
His claim argues that his costume is like a suit of armor and would have made it impossible for him to grind into Jackson because it covers his groin area with a cod piece.
Simmons is an interesting character, but every story about him I’ve ever read makes me want to take a hot shower in Purell afterwards.