Ask Amy: Frugal diner gags on wife's splurging

Dear Amy: I love to dine out, and at my instigation, we do it often. I also am always seeking value in whatever I purchase, including restaurant meals. Bargains gravitate to me.

Our most recent meal out came about when the restaurant was offering a weekday promotion of a 10-ounce strip steak with side dish for $19.95, considerably less than the normal price. My wife ordered a 9-ounce bleu filet, which was $40.75 — one of the most expensive items on the menu.

I am semiretired, manage our investments and shop for the family. We do well financially, but this is a common pattern for us. My wife said that she does not look at prices, and that if we are going out to dinner, she is going to order what she wants.

Although her expensive meals are not going to bankrupt us, it seems like poor form to me. What is your take?

Amy says: You derive joy and satisfaction from getting a good deal on a steak. And then, by protesting your wife's choices, you deny her the same.

My basic take is that she is testing and teasing you. As much of an asset as your bargain hunting can be, this sort of hyper-awareness of prices also can be annoying, especially when she's trying to enjoy a night out.

My perspective is that you saved enough on your discounted meal for your wife to splurge on hers, making the meal basically a wash, financially.

You two obviously need to talk about this. If your wife's choices make you anxious, then you should be honest about your feelings and reactions. If you two decided ahead of time on a budget for these dinners out, then you should be able to work together when you're ordering.

Being generous toward your partner can feel positively expansive, but you interpret your own generosity as your wife taking from you, and you don't seem to give her the opportunity to be generous in return.

Dear Amy: After I retired, I had time to go through boxes of personal papers that I had saved. These included letters that friends and family had written to me over many years.

It was fun rereading many of these, but at this point in my life I don't feel the need to keep them. Instead of throwing them away, I decided that the sender might enjoy reading what they had written decades earlier, so I bundled packets of their individual letters off with notes to the effect: "Cleaning house! Here's a blast from your past! Enjoy!"

Months later, I have not heard back from one person. I'm questioning whether I did something wrong. I know that I would enjoy reading letters I wrote many years ago, but maybe that's just me. Should I have just destroyed these old letters, instead?

I can't imagine why people didn't contact you to acknowledge this effort; I hope you will follow up to ask if they had reread their letters and enjoyed them as much as you had. Their responses might reveal some complicated emotions.