Fancy Ray's busted by strip club article

Fancy Ray's income from his TV advertising business has taken a robust hit because of yet another writer over whom he has no control.

In August, Metro magazine editor Chris Clayton wrote a piece about "The weird and wondrous life of Fancy Ray McCloney" in which the self-proclaimed "Best Looking Man in Comedy" was referred to as, Lord help us, "King Fancy."

The article, which included a full-page photo, featured Fancy Ray at his favorite haunt and main business client, Augie's, the strip club for which he's produced some uniquely memorable TV spots over the last eight years.

The gift of such publicity was rejected by Augie's owner Brian Michael from the first sentence because it included a phrase about "a rather robust topless dancer."

Even though Fancy Ray had nothing to do with the choice of the word "robust," Michael has pulled all Fancy Ray advertising business "until he can come up with a creative way of re-representing us."

"It was extremely unfair to her," said Michael. "'Robust.' What he really implied was fat. She is an entertainer. [This] might have created some embarrassment for her. I'm offended. I am disappointed. He kind of missed the story. It was an article about him [Fancy Ray] at his favorite night venue -- not a seedy type of voyeur place. A working man's bar. Open and more interactive. Just as many women [customers as men]. It's a party that just happens to have boobs in the room."

After rolling my eyes back into the forward position, I told Michael that Fancy Ray has no more control over Clayton than the comedian does over me -- as is thoroughly demonstrated by the infinite fun I've made of this comedian who looks like the love child of James Brown and Rick James but genuinely thinks he's good-looking.

Clayton said he would print a letter from Michael, but the Augie's owner has not complained to the magazine. Fancy Ray's conversations about the article with Michael and his business partner apparently got very heated: "I was called out ..., I was yelled at, and I was hung up on," Fancy Ray said. "They were so livid at me and I DIDN'T WRITE THAT!

"These cats, in addition to being my clients, I thought they were my friends. Metro magazine wants to interview me at a nightspot. Well, hello, let's go down to my favorite place. The magazine's picture is me out in front of Augie's. So he says she was 'robust.' SHE WAS ROBUST! So what! She was big the way I like 'em! Like a big ole fine Anna Nicole Smith."

Fancy Ray said the loss of his main client means he's just had to kick it up a notch, and he's thrilled to have landed a billboard campaign for USI Wireless, the Wi-Fi service.

Fall distractions Are you ready for some football? Well, Gertens garden center manager Dale K isn't.

Football season is murder on the Inver Grove Heights business, said Dale K, FOX 9's garden guy. While Dale K noted that he's "not really anti-Vikings," he also said, "It wouldn't break my heart if the Vikings moved to Los Angeles, because it really kills garden center business on Sundays in the fall. It's like a dagger in the heart of Sunday business."

More than a six-pack A scouting report on the Joshua Henry ab "Situation" indicates that he has at least eight.

The actor who played Jennifer Hudson's love interest in the "Sex and the City" movie is coming to the Guthrie with the Broadway-bound musical, "The Scottsboro Boys." It's about the trials and convictions of nine black teenagers unjustly accused of raping two white women in Alabama in the 1930s.

The subject matter is rather heavy, so some audience members may need the distraction of watching the abs at work. Henry's ripped body is on display in the scene where he and other cast members change into prison uniforms. I'm told Henry's abs are a breathtaking testimonial to how much he's worked out in preparation for this production, which plays through Sept. 25.