How and when should you talk to your kids about race?

Since George Floyd's death, the need to address racism and white privilege in Minnesota has come to the forefront.

Knowing that adults struggle to discuss these subjects among themselves, much less with young kids, the Minnesota Children's Museum is hosting a virtual discussion with four child development experts on Wednesday on how parents can talk to their kids about race and racial inequity.

Panelist Dianne Haulcy is a senior VP at Think Small, a St. Paul nonprofit promoting early childhood education, and host of Minnesota Public Radio's new podcast "Early Risers: Waking up to equity in early childhood." She shared why it's important to start these conversations early — and what to say.

Q: Why is it so important to talk to kids about race?

A: One of the reasons why we struggle with the issue of racism so much in our country — and in particular in Minnesota, where we have some of the worst opportunity and achievement gaps between white people and people of color — is because we cannot talk about it. I can't tell you how many times I have been in meetings with very smart, high-level people, and the minute I say something about racism, the room gets quiet. Nobody has anything to say.

Because we can't talk about it to each other, we can't talk about it to our children, either. But when we don't talk about it with our children, all they're left with is to learn implicitly through our biases.

Q: At what age should these conversations start?

Q: What's the downside of parents avoiding the subject?

A: Kids are listening. All of the discussions that we might have be having, or whatever we're watching on TV or on the phone, they're absorbing. We need to be able to give them context, and words around it, so that, at the very least, they will feel comfortable having these conversations as they grow up.

Q: Why are parents hesitant to discuss race?

A: People think that if they talk about race, it will make their child racist. That if you point out the fact that one child is darker than another child, that it means you're saying something racist, or you might put racist ideas in their mind. The truth is the exact opposite.

Q: Why is that?

But because we as parents are uncomfortable with race, we'll shut down the conversation and say, "Don't point out that child is Black," and the child learns not to even have a conversation at all because something's not right. But what happens when you say you're colorblind is then you're not seeing or celebrating all of the beauty and the goodness in all the cultures, the richness of it.

Q: What's a better way to handle it?

A: Just having an open, honest conversation about how we look different, how people's skin color might be darker or lighter, or more olive, or their hair might be a different texture, to expand their world, like you might with anything.

We go into the grocery store and we talk about the different vegetables and fruits and how each one is different and what color they are. And people are the same: We have different colors. If you talk to them about it in that matter of fact way, they get used to the idea we can talk about this.

Q: What about discussing harder subjects, such as Daunte Wright's killing?

But you can be truthful in a developmentally appropriate way. You can simply say, "Yes, this man died, and Mommy is very sad about that. I didn't know him personally, but because he's another human being, I'm very sad that another human got hurt in that way." And you can even say that for people of a certain color this might happen more, in very simple language.

Q: How do kids react?

A: The thing that's also difficult is when you really think about it, racism doesn't make logical sense. So a lot of times kids will say, "Why does that happen? Why would somebody get treated badly because they're Black or because their skin is brown? I don't get that." And sometimes you may not have all the answers, and that is OK. The important thing is that you open up the conversation so that they can keep coming back.

Talking to kids about race

Register here for the Minnesota Children's Museum's free virtual discussion "Talking With Kids About Racial Injustice," noon - 1 p.m. Wed.