Q: My daughter tells me she doesn't want to go back to her father's house. I told her father, and he said that's what she tells him about going back to my house. I am confident my daughter wouldn't lie about something like that. What's good ex-etiquette?
A: That your child tells you she doesn't want to go to her father's house doesn't necessarily mean she prefers your home. It means exactly what she is telling you. And she might be telling her father the same thing because she doesn't want to leave him, either.
Your child might be torn between the two people she loves the most. When she's settled in, she doesn't want to pack up and go back to the other home. Consider that she's not lying, and neither is her father. They are telling the truth.
Some responses are better than others when you hear your child does not want to go to the other parent's home.
Some examples of poor responses: "You have to go, it's a court order." "The judge says you have to go." "I know, sweetie, just suck it up. You'll be home soon."
The correct response is to be empathetic but firm and support the child's time with their other parent: "Honey, this is your time with your father. He loves you and looks forward to seeing you."
If a child truly likes it better at one home, that's a red flag. It means you as co-parents are not on the same page.
I'm speculating, but it could just be creature comforts. Maybe they like the TV in their room at Dad's house or they get more screen time at Mom's house. But it also could be abuse of some sort. It merits exploration.
Whatever the reason behind the sentiment, it doesn't sound like you and your ex are on the same page. Compare notes and make the changes necessary for your child to be well-adjusted in both homes. That's good ex-etiquette.
