Even smarties can catch the Stupid Virus

Americans for generations have wondered why our politicians treat us as if we're stupid.

Previously, in searching for evidence of rampant stupidity, all you had to do was consider that millions of Americans wear Crocs (stupid plastic footwear). And what of men who wear shorts to the office in July and then wonder what the heck happened to their careers? Or women who inject their buttocks with caulk and other toxic substances for that big booty look?

Is injecting buttocks with caulk a sign of a people who can govern themselves?

Among voters who actually pay attention to current events, many nod like meat puppets when told by politicians not to worry about that "temporary tax increase."

Recently, however, learned scientists from Johns Hopkins University have come up with a reason we may be stupid indeed: the Stupid Virus.

The Stupid Virus, with a complicated scientific name that few can understand, is found in algae and depresses cognitive functions, and somehow makes people more stupid.

Found in the back of your average human throat, the Stupid Virus was tested on laboratory mice. Once infected, the mice were about 15 percent more stupid than usual, scientists say.

"We have been interested for some time in the possible role of infections in altering cognitive functioning in otherwise healthy humans," wrote Yolken, who then had to go and ruin his remarks by infusing them with scientific mumbo-jumbo.

"In previous studies we have found that human exposure to common agents such as herpes simplex virus Type 1, cytomegalovirus and the protozoan Toxoplasma gondii (also known as the cat parasite) are associated with small but measurable decreases in some cognitive domains."

The esteemed Dr. Yolken failed to answer one key question:

Is there a cure for the Stupid Virus?

Dr. Yolken?

So for a clue as to whether a cure for the Stupid Virus may even be desired by our political elites, we turn instead to an esteemed Washington economist.

His name is Jonathan Gruber, economist and one of President Obama's economic architects of Obamacare.

Gruber commented on American voter stupidity in a panel discussion last year. In recent days, a recording of the discussion has gone viral, perhaps because of Gruber's use of the phrase "the stupidity of the American voter."

Gruber noted that American voter stupidity was the key factor in making Obamacare the law of the land, since most Americans didn't like Obamacare and thought it was really a tax increase.

So Gruber said the Obamacare law was consciously written in confusing fashion to confuse us as to whether it really was a tax on those with health care.

"And basically, you know, call it the stupidity of the American voter or whatever, but basically that was really, really critical to getting the thing to pass."

Then Gruber sat back, satisfied, a thin smile playing upon his ironic lips.

Others agreed we all may be affected by the Stupid Virus. Slavko Pervan, a reader on Facebook, told me he was stupid, too. I'd politely asked readers not to make it partisan, and that was, naturally, quite stupid of me.

And Dirk Richmond noted that the stupid are "people who hog the left lane and people who are clueless in the grocery store — blocking the aisle with their carts, oblivious to everyone else."

"People who mix up 'their,' 'they're' and 'there,' and who say 'legislation past,' " ranted Sue Buikema Ptak.

"There must be an epidemic," says former police officer Peter Bella. "I see infected people on public transportation every day. I would wear a mask, but I do not want to be mistaken for a thief or politician."