Mitch Hedberg's excellent and hilarious routine about what happens when escalators break down aside, there is a certain strangeness and discomfort I encounter in those exact situations.
It happened to me (again) Wednesday afternoon, approaching an "up" escalator in downtown Minneapolis that was immobile. As Hedberg notes, it was not really out of order. It was just "temporarily stairs." Even so, walking up an escalator that isn't moving feels twice as hard as walking up normal stairs.
Maybe it's because each level is deeper than most sets of stairs, leading to strange strides. It could be the grooves and the reflective nature of the escalator material are slightly disorienting. More than anything, though, I think it's that I'm not able to quickly enough reset my expectations. My experience 99 percent of the time is that I won't have to do any work on an escalator. Now I'm being asked to do all of it.
Anyway, I of course made it to the top and — this is the 100 percent truth — immediately started formulating an analogy between a broken escalator and the Timberwolves' offense. Several hours later, Minnesota mustered just 82 points in a gruesome display during Game 2 of the playoffs in Houston. So it turns out the metaphor is immediately apt.
Where Hedberg's observational humor really connects, of course, is in the fact that a broken escalator is still quite efficient in the grand scheme of things. If the alternatives are, say, pole vaulting up to the second level or using some sort of pulley system, the temporary stairs will do just fine.
The Wolves' offense, too, was actually quite efficient this season. Minnesota finished fourth in the NBA during the regular season in offensive rating and No. 22 in defensive rating. The reason they made the playoffs under a coach known more for his defensive acumen was their offense.
The problem is, the offense, much like a broken escalator, doesn't feel efficient and doesn't look like it operates in an efficient way. It often, in fact, feels like the Wolves work twice as hard as they need to order to achieve their objectives.
The way this really bears itself out statistically is this: On 13.7 percent of the Wolves' field goal attempts during the regular season, the nearest defender to the shooter was 0-2 feet away — deemed "very tight" defense by NBA.com. And on 40.1 percent of their shots, a defender was 2-4 feet away — "tight" defense. Both of those were the highest percentages of any team in the league. Conversely, the Wolves had the fewest open shots by percentage and third-fewest wide open shots.