Don't forget about St. Paul, like everyone else does

The threat of snow is mostly gone, the tulips are up -- promptly decapitated by rabbits, yes, but they were pretty for an hour -- and today's calendar says May, so it's spring. Then the 4th of July! Then the Fair. Then fall. Man, that was fast. Before it goes, plan your summer vacation. Factor in the cost of gas, and you can make it to Rochester, as long as everyone agrees to push on the way back. If that sounds grim, why not stay here? National Geographic has a new list of top 10 summer-vacation destinations, and Minneapolis is No. 4. No. 3 was some city in Argentina. Yes, as a summer destination, we were beaten by a place where it's winter.

Nice honor anyway, since only three U.S. areas made the list. The usual attractions are cited -- the Mall of America, the 69,045 miles of bike paths, the lakes, and "57 museums." So we're the Heinz of Culture, apparently. Actually, we have more than 90 if you count the suburbs, and that doesn't include the Walker Museum (The other one, devoted to metal devices that help people walk upright) or the Passive-Aggressive Institute (closed Monday, but you knew that) or any other minor place that hasn't seen more than 10 visitors a week since they hosted "Titanic: Stuff Scraped Off the Bottom of the Atlantic That Might Have Been Dropped In All the Commotion" exhibit in 1997. But many of the museums are located in a strange, mysterious place the National Geographic survey doesn't mention: St. Paul.

Yes, the lost, fabled city of St. Paul. Oh, the editors may have heard rumors of a "Children's Museum," but really, children haven't changed that much through the ages. How interesting can they be? It's as if the advance team got partways down University Avenue, encountered some madman in tattered clothes shouting "Go no further! There be dragons!" and turned back. This happens with every single survey. If other cities are smart they'll all change their names to Minneapolis. Oh, it's spelled Minneapolis, but it's pronounced Maple Grove. Or perhaps add an extra N, so St. Paul is Minnneapolis and Richfield is Minnnneapolis, with the number of Ns indicating the distance from the Guthrie Theater.

Better yet: Next time National Geographic writes about us, they could first consult a big, detailed map. If only there were a famous publication that specialized in such things.

jlileks@startribune.com • 612-673-7858 More daily at www.startribune.com/popcrush.