Do challenging kids cause marital strife?

Research published recently in Child Trends reported that happy marriages generally result in happy children. But can children with physical, emotional or developmental problems cause unhappy marriages?

Research has focused on parents raising children with such problems as attention-deficit disorder, autism spectrum disorder and similar types of disabilities. The findings have been ambiguous, with some studies finding a higher rate of divorce among such parents, while others document no real differences.

But it's clear that raising a special-needs child can result in a severe strain on a marriage.

Here's how successful marriages navigate these problems:

Put your marriage first. A child with a disability demands more time and attention than other children. Good parents naturally want to meet those special needs, but that might result in neglecting your spouse. Healthy relationships take time and work, so it takes an extra effort by both spouses to be attentive to the needs of their partner.

Create a "no talk about children" zone. Spouses should establish a routine time every week when they are alone and prohibit themselves from talking about the children. This structure can provide both parents with the opportunity to stay connected with each other as people, not just as parents.

Maintain your own hobbies and interests. Do something on a routine basis just for you. This makes you a better spouse and a better parent.

Don't let your child control your happiness. While your children are extremely important, don't allow their behavior to determine your happiness. Parents should try to focus on positive things in their lives.

By the way, what group of parents are least likely to divorce? Couples who marry when they are older than 25, come from an intact family, have a religious affiliation, make more than $50,000 a year, wait until after marriage to have a baby and have attended college have the lowest divorce rate.