Dear Prudence: I'm recently engaged to the most honest, thoughtful, and loving man I've ever met. He has supported me through many hard times, including losing my job and being assaulted.
Here's the but about him: He makes no money. He has ambitions, and he's smart, but will likely only bring a middle-class income at best. I have an OK job and I'm self-sufficient.
Now here's the but about me: I'm really, really pretty. My whole life people have told me I could get any man I want, meaning a rich man, and are shocked that I'm engaged to my fiancé, nice though he is.
I've never dated a rich man, but it does make me curious. So part of me thinks I'm squandering my good looks on this poor man, and the other part of me thinks that I'm so shallow that I don't even deserve him or anyone else.
Am I a fool for thinking that a poor man can make me happy, or an idiot for believing a sexist fantasy?
Prudence says: It's a delicate thing to sing "I Feel Pretty" and keep the audience charmed. Many people will be repelled by your acknowledged superficiality and wish that a string of rich men use you, then dump you when you start to lose your looks.
But surely your fiancé delights in the fact — and surely his friends have noted — that he's nabbed one the prettiest girls in the room. When considering possible life partners, people should bluntly assess each other's intangible and tangible qualities.
Of course character is central, but if the person you're dating is a wholly admirable person who doesn't attract you physically, that's a serious problem. So, too, is being with someone who gives you pleasure in and out of bed, but who's hiding from creditors.
