Did you miss your weekly terrifying trip into commenter Clarence Swamptown's soul? Well fear not. The man, the myth and the Clarence is back this week with more salty opinions (some of which have been slightly toned down to avoid anonymous name-calling) and another context-free diagram. Here we go: ------------------

The University of Minnesota recently decided to keep their total ban on alcohol sales within TCF Bank Stadium, declining a compromise adopted by the Minnesota legislature. I feel like I have been beating the same drum for years, but this is just another example of incompetence. The U of M continues to use the same tired excuse, that no other Big Ten school serves alcohol in their football stadium. You know what? No other Big Ten football program has a 50-year Rose Bowl drought, either. We need beer sales in general seating, if only to tolerate the sorry product put on the football field. Get it done. *As long as I am ranting, will someone please explain to me exactly what the {redacted} is going on up in Canada? A youth soccer league in Ottawa instituted a rule that if a team wins by more than 5 goals, it loses. We need to stop worrying about our little kids' "feelings" and self-esteem. You know what group of people have been tested as having the highest self-esteem? Violent criminals and sexual predators. It's true. I have astonishingly low self-esteem and have never been convicted of a violent crime (in America). Self-esteem is overrated. *Country & Western Song of the Week: Often times I hear people say that they hate country music. They say it's too twangy, or too boring. I understand this viewpoint. I do not enjoy most of the songs played on country radio, so if that was my only exposure to country music I would probably hate it too. Or if you grew up with your dad listening to some hunyak like Ferlin Husky on WDGY, I also understand your country music aversion. Please understand that there are newer country artists who do not stink, but they are not played on contemporary country radio. At the top of this list, in my opinion, is Ryan Adams. This week's C&WSotW is an acoustic version of Oh My Sweet Carolina by Ryan Adams. If you do not like this song, I invite you to try something else from Mr. Adams' Youtube catalog. If you listen to at least 5 songs, and you still hate country music, well, we'll just have to agree to disagree. * Outstate Bar of the Week: Jr's Bar, Oakwood, North Dakota. This bar is located on a remote dirt road 30 minutes northwest of Grand Forks. I watched an Oscar de la Hoya title fight here with approximately two-dozen migrant farm workers, and it was one of the most enjoyable experiences of my life. Most importantly, they have a shuffleboard table in the back. I do not understand why more bars do not have shuffleboard tables. I cannot think of a bar with shuffleboard within 50 miles of my house. It doesn't make any sense, everyone loves drinking beer and playing shuffleboard. Shuffleboard > Touch-Screen Photo Hunt (adult setting) > Golden Tee > Darts/Pool (push) > Big Buck Hunter. *Each week my kids have their own envelope to drop in the church offering plate. The envelope has a line where the kids can write any good deeds they performed during the week. This week the 6-year old wrote "I got my daddy beer from the garage". *Diagram of the Week: Only nine more days before my trip to Philadelphia to watch the Twins play the Phillies. I am traveling with three other friends. I hope we run into this kid, and his grandpa, Jimmy Carter. We will be drinking, eating cheese steaks, betting on some ponies, watching the Twins, drinking some beers, and eating. Maybe we'll see the Liberty Bell or that Bob Franklin guy if they're on the way to any of these activities. I'll post a full report when we're back:

Your thoughts on what the Gophers Athletic Department has accomplished in the last 5-years, Canada, Ferlin Husky, the best bar games, County social services, and getting shot, are welcome in the comments.