Clearance Clarence: The one where Clarence watches a Wolves game

Welcome to another installment fo Clearance Clarence, the wildly popular new feature where we give commenter Clarence Swamptown his own space. As usual, the opinions expressed here regarding relative attractiveness or vision-free shot blockers do not necessarily represent those of the Star Tribune or RandBall. Clarence?

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Today's original Clearance Clarence asked for the firing of a local sports official. The proprietor politely questioned if that was a good idea. He is right, I should not anonymously call for someone's head. So like a school facing NCAA violations, I punished myself to hopefully avoid further sanctions. I forced myself to watch Monday night's Timberwolves game. I have nothing against the Wolves, but it has been years since I watched an NBA game. Let's see how this goes:

8:06: I read about them on RandBall and hear about them on the radio, but I do not know what Wolves players look like. Kevin Love kind of looks like DJ Snow.

8:18: This Jonny Flynn guy is good. He has 3 straight three-pointers in the first quarter.

8:19: Mehmet Okur is big and has one eyebrow. NBA.com says that he weighs 119.3 kilograms. Do they only list European guys in kilograms? That is weird.

8:20: I remember that Greg Ostertag played for Utah and was big and ugly like Mehmet Okur. I suspect that the Jazz are somehow contractually obligated to have at least one player like Mehmet Okur on the floor at all times.

8:34: NBA.com shows "R. Brewer" on the Jazz roster. I am hoping ex-Gopher Randy Breuer is still in the league.

8:37: Nope, they just showed someone named Ronnie Brewer. He is not Randy Breuer. They are nothing alike.

8:41: I think Mehmet Okur was just replaced by something called Kyrylo Fesenko. See, I told you so.

8:42: Kyrylo Fesenko weighs 136.1 kilograms.

8:56: One of Springsteen's most underrated albums is "We Shall Overcome: The Ramon Sessions." Okay, that joke was horrible. All of my jokes are horrible. I am sorry. All of this basketball is wearing me down.

9:01: The wife's best friend just called our house for the billionth time tonight. The wife's cell phone must be dead. I am not answering the phone, lady. I like you, but I do not enjoy our small talk when the wife is gone. "So how have you been?" Just kill me now.

9:04: There are very few people who can successfully pull off a flaming basketball tattoo on their arm. Deron Williams might be one of those people.

9:15: The halftime show of a Timberwolves game should feature a feel good story about the Timberwolves, right? Nope. It's a feel good story about Joe Mauer bowling with special needs kids. The Wolves cannot catch a break even on their own telecast.

9:20: Nevermind. Now they have a feel good story about Ramon Sessions. Ramon has a high-pitched voice like Larry in the Fat Albert gang. That's kind of cool.

9:27: An ex-Gopher sighting! J.B. Bickerstaff is getting interviewed. Apparently he is now a Wolves coach. I think I just discovered what happened to Randy Breuer: J.B. Bickerstaff ate him. Just kidding, J.B. I always liked you on the P.A. and Dubay show. I hope you are doing well.

9:37: Wolves up by 3 because of "Big" Al Jefferson. "Big Al" is a solid nickname and he seems like a solid player. He and Flynn are carrying this team tonight.

9:41: I wish they would show the youngest wife from HBO's Big Love in the crowd. She is attractive. The theme song from Big Love is by the Beach Boys. Big Love is set in Utah. Kevin Love is related to one of the Beach Boys. It's a circle.

9:47: Hey! What the hell? That guy from "Hang Time" is also a Wolves coach! Is Screech Powers the trainer? Am I dreaming this?

9:55: End of the 3rd quarter, Wolves up by 6. Utah fans are booing.

10:09: Al Jefferson should have drawn an offensive foul against Deron Williams. Al's feet were set. Instead, they gave the foul to Big Al. The ref blew that call.

10:14: Another stupid turnover by Jonny Flynn. He's a rookie, right? He makes some rookie mistakes.

10:15: Nice basket by Jonny Flynn. He has 25 points. He's a rookie, right? He could be really good.

10:22: Utah has 7 second-round draft picks and 2 undrafted players. That seems like a lot. Why doesn't the NBA and NFL have minor league teams dedicated to each team like in baseball? Are you telling me that Vikings' fans would not watch John David Booty quarterbacking the Fargo Vikings? People would watch that.

10:31: Paul Millsap is dominating the paint with 3 blocked shots in the fourth quarter. Ronnie Milsap would not be a good shot blocker because he is blind.

10:33: Wolves up by 1 with 27 seconds remaining. It's an exciting game. I am having fun.

10:39: The Arizona Cardinals are going to lose! The Vikings are one step closer to a playoff bye. Skol.

10:40: Tie game, 16 seconds remaining and Wolves have the ball. Television announcer guy says that they will try to isolate Flynn for a last second shot. Wolves fans must enjoy having a talented rookie who is willing to take the shot with the game on the line.

10:40: JONNY FLYNN HITS THE SHOT WITH 3 SECONDS LEFT! WOLVES WIN!