Commenter Clarence Swamptown is back with his increasingly popular feature "Clearance Clarence," which is basically an unfiltered plunge into his soul. It's a terrifying place, but there are sweet rewards. This week, he tries to move on from the purple pain and instead fixates on Joe Mauer. As usual, the opinions expressed on Clearance Clarence don't necessarily represent those of RandBall or the Star Tribune. Clarence?

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*I want Indianapolis to win the Super Bowl. I am a bitter and resentful person. Hearing "Who Dat" and "Geaux Saints" makes me irritated. I will not watch the game. I will spend this Sunday at a bar feeling sorry for myself and picking fights with French people, although I do that every Sunday.

*Country and Western Song of the Week, Vikings Edition: This week's winner is Susan Tedeschi's cover of Angel From Montgomery. It is a terrific drinking-alone-in-misery song. I am almost over the Vikings loss. Starting next week, I will only post drinking-alone-in-happiness songs. I promise.

*When will you sign, Joe Mauer? A purple nation turns its lonely eyes to you: Joe Mauer's contract could be announced any day (yahoo!). Jim Thome signed for a discount (yahoo!). The Twins are showing interest in free agent second-baseman Orlando Hudson, if his price drops (yahoo!). Steven Tolleson is gone (uh, indifference? Indifference.). Pitchers and catchers report in 19 days. Do not pay any attention to that stupid {redacted} groundhog. Winter is almost over. We are going to make it through this.

*Country and Western Song of the Week, Twins Edition: In honor of Mauer's pending contract, this week's winner is Any Day Now by Ronnie Milsap. This song was written by song-writing legend Burt Bacharach. Ronnie Milsap is blind.

*Delmon Young lost 29 pounds this offseason. 29 pounds! That is an average-sized 18-month-old baby. I am not sure why this isn't a bigger story. Will the weight loss help Delmon's range in the outfield? Will it hurt the promising power he showed during the second half of last season? Can brother Dmitri keep all San Diego-area restaurants afloat on his own? Let's hope that the reports are true, and that his weight loss makes a difference. We have been burned before.

*We have an 18-month old "baby" at home. He weighs much more than 29 lbs. He weighs more than his 4-year old sister. He has roughly the same build as a small UPS drop-off box. He will likely play football, baseball, and/or hockey. He will be a pulling guard, corner infielder, and/or stay-at-home defenseman. Those are his options. Genetics are unforgiving.

*I will guess that Joe Mauer's contract will be for 10-years and $190 million, with lots of incentives. Joe will be praised for agreeing to a home-town discount and allowing the Twins more flexibility to sign free-agents in the future. Please offer your guess in the comments below. I will buy the best guesser a drink at the next Redactular, but you have to have my back against Pierre and Claude.