HUG AVOIDANCE TECHNIQUES
The sidewinder
Description: A side-by-side hug that limits body contact.
How to do it: When a hugger approaches, turn your body sharply to the side and drape your arm firmly over his or her shoulder.
Best used: To deflect unwanted hugs and creepy hugs (which, to Minnesotans, is most hugs).
The bro hug
Description: An affectionate greeting for non-homophobic males.
How to do it: Stand facing one another. Clasp opposite hands, lean in shoulder-to-shoulder, finish with a thumping back pat.
Best used: Whenev.
The hand-only hug
Description: A super-cute girl greeting that won't wrinkle your blouse.
How to do it: Put up your right hand with your palm facing your gal pal. She'll respond by putting her right hand against yours. Use your thumbkins to give each other's hand a pint-sized back pat.
Best used: When you see your BFF, like, everyday.
The forearm hug
Description: A defensive hug that keeps would-be-embracers at arm's length.
How to do it: Put on a big smile, tightly grasp the outstretched arms of the hugger at the forearm and don't let go.
Best used: In worst-case scenarios, when even a sidewinder is too close for comfort.
HUGS TO AVOID
The "I hate hugging" hug
Description: A non-hugger attempts to hug you without touching you by wrapping his or her arms around you while keeping his or her body as far away as possible.
It's appropriate: During awards ceremonies, in wedding reception lines, when meeting a long-lost (but not deeply missed) relative.
Best evasive action: None. It's awkward, but thankfully brief.
The creepy hug
Description: A too-close embrace, usually from a married member of the opposite sex, that lasts a just few seconds too long.
It's appropriate: Never.
Best evasive action: Fake a highly contagious illness. In case of a repeat offender, talk to the hugger's spouse.
The bearhug
Description: A full-body embrace in which the overly enthusiastic hugger inadvertently smothers the huggee.
It's appropriate: When your team wins a big game, you win the lottery, relatives from down South come to visit.
Best evasive action: Run.
The boss hug
Description: An acutely uncomfortable, often intimidating embrace.
It's appropriate: When you're leaving the company. (Otherwise an old-fashioned handshake will do. )
Best evasive action: Take one giant step back and say to your superior, "Remind me again, how do I file a complaint with HR?"
CONNIE NELSON
