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C.J.: Fitzgerald, Marquez flog away at celebrities who fail sartorially

By C.J.

March 15, 2014 at 10:00PM

Fashion is cutthroat, and Philadelphia fashion gurus Tom Fitzgerald and Lorenzo Marquez make no exception in their blog.

Some celebrities might think of the partners in life and at the wildly popular TomAndLorenzo.com as floggers when they pick apart that which is sartorially unsplendid. They do not care because they have no interest in hanging with the people about whom they write.

I shot a startribune.com/video interview with Tom and Lorenzo recently when they were at the Mall of America promoting "Everybody Wants to be Me or Do Me," a book title that easily led to my first question.

Q: What would your porn names be, since everyone wants to "do you"?

F: First off, gay porn names are absolutely hilarious. I've got it: Thrush Rockford.

M: Troy Hung.

Q: Queen Elizabeth is reportedly dispensing fashion advice to Duchess Kate. What's wrong with that sentence?

F: Specifically, the queen did not like that she was wearing full skirts that blew up when it was windy. That's why she wanted the below-the-knee skirt. There were a couple of appearances where you almost [eyes rolling, jaws pulsating] saw her panties. It was the end of the British Empire. God bless Betty Windsor, I love her but … I think she's just trying to secure how the monarchy is going to be as she is exiting it. The '80s and the '90s were nothing but an embarrassment for her family. Kate should take Queen Elizabeth's advice with a grain of salt. At some point there's not going to be a QEII and Kate will be free to do what she wants.

M: I know. I think she's doing a fantastic job. She's always dressed properly and fashionably.

Q: Speaking of panties, should we be shocked to see almost as much of Lady Gaga as her gynecologist does?

F: I don't want to sound like a prude about it. She should do what she wants. She's got an audience for it. When she's on stage and she's got her ticket buyers, go to town, honey. But sometimes she'll walk around in public and I'm like, "That is so not right."

M: I think it's her thing. She's a singer. She's [into] pop culture.

Q: Who is your favorite celebrity to write about on your blog?

F: Chloë Sevigny. She really gets our take on celebrity fashion, not that she reads us. She treats it like a costume and tells a little story every time she gets dressed up. That's what you should do.

Q: Who's your favorite celebrity to trash?

F: You can expect a river of anger coming down on you when you trash Lena Dunham.

M: Mine is Lena Dunham. I just don't believe her whole thing about I just don't care about fashion when you're wearing Prada, a costume made by Prada.

Q: In your professional opinions, "Mad Men" star Jon Hamm is or isn't a commando aficionado?

F: He's an aficionado in the sense that it gets him a lot of attention. I guess you could say he's playing to his strengths. He's not hiding his light under a bushel. Pun intended. He got all bent out of shape about people making jokes, I was like, "Go talk to Christina Hendricks about people objectifying you."

M: If it bothers you so much, the attention you get down there, put on some underpants.

Q: Does Hamm ever wear underwear?

F: No. I've seen him on the red carpet in suits. Suits are kind of flimsy. That's gross. I'm sorry. It's a borrowed suit. We're proud of you, boy, (both Fitzgerald and Marquez clapped hands) but put it away.

Q: Do you get any verbal blowback from celebrities or are they afraid?

F: They never contact us and we're happy with that. We don't want to do the thing that some celebrity and fashion bloggers do where they want to get invited to the parties, want to hang out with them. We feel like our readers would turn on us or wouldn't trust our criticism if they knew we were partying with Miley Cyrus or [someone like that]. We got asked to take one's picture down because you could see her bra. And we were like "Well, honey, she probably shouldn't have worn a sheer dress."

M: They never contact us directly but their people sometimes do. We've had occasions when they asked us to take a post down. And I'm like, "I don't think so. I already paid for this picture and [there are] 150 comments. I'm not going to take that down."

Q: Complete these sentences, please. "The Good Wife" star Julianna Margulies is …?

F: Chic. A hero to women in her age group. She's prettier now than when she was on "ER."

M: Stunning. I can't take my eyes off her. Very stylish.

Q: First Lady Michelle Obama is …?

F: Adventurous in her fashion, in the way she conducts herself as a first lady. When all is said and done [she will] have redefined the role.

Q: Joan Rivers is …?

F: Our godmother. We will say it forever. We would not be here, none of these red-carpet commentators. She coined the phrase: "Who are you wearing?"

M: Hysterically funny. She's the queen. She invented [red carpet] commentary.

Q: Six people dead or alive you'd invite to a dinner party?

F: I'm starting with dead Katharine Hepburn. Michelle Obama, Cate Blanchett, John Waters, Jon Hamm. He's actually at his sexiest when he's not playing into his looks.

M: Cary Grant

Q: Tell me about your moms' styles?

F: Wow. My mother has always had a great sense of color. My siblings and I used to make fun of her in the '80s and '90s because she had the scarves. But she had the most exquisite taste in scarves. And she has fantastic taste in costume jewelry. My mother was always good at accessorizing. She always had impeccable makeup; my mom's got great hair.

M: My mom is all about fashion just like me. She loves those big names: Pierre Cardin, Oscar de la Renta. She was always going to the fashion trendy stuff.