Boy Bites Pop-Tart into a Gun Shape, Gets Suspended

Just got a call from the school: all after-school activities are cancelled. Anything that requires the late bus. No idea why. Shouldn't the streets be better at 6 PM than 4? Well, my daughter has one after-school activity, but it's a different sort than the type described on the phone, so I texted her to see what's up. And then I realized what I had just done. If she took out her phone in the lunchroom, and a teacher saw it: confiscation.

There was an incident at my daughter's school: someone used their phone to shoot video of another student for the purpose of humiliation. Perhaps because the phrase "shoot video" includes the word "shoot," this has led to the usual over-reaction. Any kid whose phone is visible during the day will have the phone confiscated.

You might say that there's no reason to have a phone in school anyway. Why in my day et cetera. I know, I know. Carrier pigeons and Morse lamps. But if your kid needs to send you a message during the day - say, after-school activities running late need ride can you take friend home too - there's no reason they shouldn't be able to do so. But one size fits all, of course. It's easier to make sure everyone feels responsible if guilt is collectivized and spread equally. It breeds nothing but sullen obedience and simmering resentment towards the promulgators of the rules, but as long as there's compliance we're all fine.

It could be worse. The school could be on lockdown because food was used to make an inappropriate gestures. Behold the famous Pastry Gun Incident in Brooklyn Park.

Don't worry, It's Brooklyn Park, Maryland. But it's only a matter of time. The letter from the school:

Here's the report. If you're wondering how many kids were scarred for life by the sight of Pop-Tart that had been gnawed into the shape of a firearm, there's no way to know. But the school is stepping up and pitching in. Counselors are standing by:

The chance that any kid was psychologically damaged by the existence of a frosted grain-based gun-shaped object is nil. The kids know this is stupid. They see the Authority Figures acting stupidly, and readjust their opinions accordingly.

I'm tired of the flip devil-may-care Tony Stark. A little gravtas would be great. The second movie was a wash; the third looks like they found the right tone.

Then there's this.

That's it. The obsessive search for clues has begun:

Harry will be the only man standing at the end. The only one who adjusted to life and isn't looking down the road at crushing disappointment. Just like Ted Baxter was the only fellow who had a job at the end of the "Mary Tyler Moore" show.

SPRING After two months of a summer drought, this stuff would sell nicely over here.

TECH Writing about Apple makes otherwise sane people spout the oddest things. This article begins: "More details are emerging about Apple's forthcoming watch" - which assumes that it's not only in the works, it's a sure thing. The article links to Bloomberg, which says "Apple's planned 'iWatch' could be more profitable than TV." Yes, the TV they're not making. I could be wrong, but I've never thought the TV was likely. Small margins, crowded market, low turnover - why would they build a TV instead of a better AppleTV box?

Since the watch now seems certain, wait for the next moment when they're supposed to announce one, and don't. Stock dives. Later they roll one out and sell gazillions. Fast-forward three years: industry observers will note that it's been a while since Apple came out with something that created or redefined a market, and even though they control 73% of that market, competitors are gaining strength.

Oh, then there's this: the next phone will have fingerprint-detection and there will also be a $99 model in many colors.

That last one seems possible, even though all the experts say Apple will keep the prices high to maintain its reputation as a premium item. That would make more sense if people actually paid the premium price all the time. They don't. I've never paid the full price for a phone. I wait until my contract says "you can re-enlist now," and then I pay the subsidized price. A $99 phone would appeal to people who wants something now without signing a new contract, or one for the kid.

So when it's taken away and lost somehow, you're not out that much.

Sounds realistic. About that sprawling metropolis, though: a screenshot from the arstechnica review mentioned yesterday.

That is not sprawling. It looks like it's about 15 blocks square. That's it? THAT'S IT?

TV Here's a map of American TV locations.

What, too small? Fine. Larger version here. Is it authoritative? The last word on obsessive devotion to the medium of network television? Well:

Obviously not. It only goes back to the 90s, which is why Chicago has "Kenan and Kel" and not "The Bob Newhart Show."