Boot camp for parents

Teresa Rankin, a single parent, believes she's finally equipped to be more firm and direct with her impetuous 15-year-old son without losing her temper -- or her mind.

"I was scared because he's at that stage where he thinks he's a man, but I'm not going to lose him to these streets," Rankin, 38, of Minneapolis, said last week. "I'm stronger."

She found that strength through Project Murua, a boot camp for black parents in Minneapolis whose members stomp and shout collectively on command that "our enemies are drugs, teen pregnancies, gangs, academic failure, violence ...

"And sometimes ourselves!"

Their battle cry is "to fight the battle to save our children's lives."

The program drills parents in hopes of improving parent-child relationships, creating a support system for parents and honing disciplinary skills. The recent widely publicized beating death of 4-year-old Demond Reed, allegedly at the hands of his father's cousin, underlined the importance of such skills for program supporters and participants.

"We've long known that many households in our community are fractured, way before this little boy's death got everybody's attention," said psychologist Dr. BraVada Garrett-Akinsanya, creator of the program at Harvest Preparatory, a charter school on Minneapolis' North Side.

"We cannot be afraid to lean on each other for help," Garrett-Akinsanya said. "We are here not just to survive, but to prosper."

For the past nine weeks, 15 parents have voluntarily participated in Murua (pronounced moo-ru-ah), which is Swahili for "respect." They will graduate from the intense but inspirational course on Friday.

Word-of-mouth advertising

Many heard about Murua via word-of-mouth after an inaugural group of parents successfully completed it in November. It's funded through a city community development block grant.

Council Member Don Samuels called the little-known initiative necessary. He painfully recalled the fateful tale of tiny Delijahjuan Winden, who died last March from a fractured skull after his caregiver slammed him into a car seat. He was just 5 weeks old.

Project Murua's goal is to combat the perception that the black home front is a wreck. About two-thirds of all black families are headed by a single parent (usually the mother), so a majority of black children live in fatherless households, according to 2000 U.S. census figures.

Those statistics don't deter Murua parent Elkniah Richardson, 42, a father of three from Minneapolis. As one of two male participants, he credits the program with overcoming a major parental hurdle -- having that frank talk about sex with his 14-year-old son.

"I might've failed as a husband, but I'm not going to [fail] being a good father," Richardson said, proudly showing a tattoo with the name of his kids -- DeVon, DeYanni and DezYunai on his right bicep.

"It's about us, our lives and our babies; it's about our existence," said Rayni Omar-Taylor, a Murua facilitator. "We've got to learn to be self-sufficient and to trust one another."

In addition to hands-on parenting exercises, written tests before and after each class and very blunt discussions, Murua participants serve as each other's sounding boards and boosters.

Her daughter, Jashley King, 11, said, "I'm glad she's here."

Parent participants say they wish similar support had been extended to Demond's family. Last week, his badly beaten body was found in the closet of his father's cousin, Carla Poole, 37, who now faces murder charges after initially reporting him missing. Police say he was fatally beaten after he soiled his pants.

A memorial service for Demond will held at 7 p.m. today at Shiloh Temple International Ministries, 1201 W. Broadway in Minneapolis.

Shaken by Demond's death

Participants in Murua wondered last week about the mental state of Poole, Demond's alleged killer, a mother who police say asked her own young children to hold Demond down as she beat him, and said they will pray for her. A psychiatric examination has been ordered for Poole, who during a court appearance last week wore a jail gown especially designed for potentially suicidal inmates.

Frustration over housing, job, finances and other crises can push even the most civil parent over the top, Mack said. In Demond's case, his father's criminal past also put him in peril.

"People are confused and distraught, rightfully so as they try to figure out what happened to this boy," said Mack, clinical director of St. Joseph's Home for Children in Minneapolis. "Hopefully we can learn from this."

During last week's Murua session, participants expressed emotions ranging from sorrow to anger over Demond's death. They said that the death could have been prevented and that they consider it a community failure.

"As parents, we have to learn what resources are out here," Rankin said. "If you choose not to, then you're only hurting yourself and the ones you love."

Their candid dialogue and spirited discussion during Thursday's topic -- "Vocational Wellness -- Asking Your Kids Early What They Want to Be When They Grow Up" -- indicated that these parents have come a long way in a short time.

"That's why you're special."