Annual Employee Assessment
Before we give you your bonus, a formality
By Dale Connelly
I have met with "X" and we discussed his performance for 2008 - 09.
I congratulated "X" for meeting his annual goals from last year; in particular he performed extremely well on the timely development of a series of complicated financial instruments that could be marketed worldwide.
"X" excelled at this task, and I have no hesitation in giving him an "Outstanding" rating for the job accomplished. The entanglement of the entire economy of Iceland in a string of highly leveraged side bets serves as testament to "X's" clever design and energetic advocacy of these products.
Likewise, "X" earned a "Successful" rating on the goal of creating products that would make our books incomprehensible to regulators. The senior management team was delighted to see that even with the help of an open bar at their annual retreat, they could not unravel the innermost workings of these devices. However, the severe emotional break down and subsequent hospitalization of our internal auditor was an unfortunate side-effect.
I had to give "X" a "Needs Improvement" rating for the profitability of these products. While it is true the instruments performed well for the first half of 2008, the last two quarters were somewhat below expectations, causing the company to nearly go bankrupt and triggering what amounts to a government take-over of all our operations. "X" admits this was a generally negative outcome that was not one of his annual goals as outlined in last year's performance review.
I gave "X" a "Developing" assessment when it comes to the goal of 'creating a long-term relationship with our customers.' The fact that many of our best clients have gone out of business makes any kind of relationship unlikely, except one that is under supervision of the courts. "X" admitted that much of his work last year led directly to the near collapse of the global economy. "X" was particularly remorseful about Latvia and the American Auto Industry, and promises to make significant progress towards realizing more positive outcomes in the next fiscal year.
Overall, "X" has utilized his talents with unflagging energy on behalf of the company. While I cannot say he was successful in everything he did last year, his work did leave a lasting impression. Mixed results aside, it is clear that "X" did everything necessary to earn the annual retention bonus as outlined in last year's contract.
I would recommend, however, that he receive the full amount of his bonus in Chrysler stock.
Dale Connelly is host of "Radio Heartland," heard Saturday evenings on Minnesota Public Radio's KNOW, 91.1 FM, and on the Web at www.radioheartland.org.
about the writer
Dale Connelly
Everything in the world changed after George Floyd died, except the place where he was murdered by a Minneapolis police officer.