Ask Eric: Traveling parents ignore ill son

Dear Eric: My wife’s brother and his wife recently left on a six-week overseas trip, leaving their 14-year-old son, “Bobby,” at home with his grandfather, who speaks very little English.

Last week, Bobby had a mental breakdown. His doctor instructed us to take him to the psych ward at the hospital. He was subsequently moved to a behavioral health clinic, where he currently is a patient.

My wife and I pleaded with her brother “Sid” to come home. The social workers, Bobby’s doctor and his counselors also have tried to persuade them to come home to no avail.

I can hardly control my anger at Sid and his wife. What, if anything, should I say when they return from their trip?

Eric says: I should think the social workers and doctors will have a lot to say to Sid and his wife, probably before you have a chance to speak with them. Bobby clearly is in crisis, and their disregard not only comes across as callous but strongly suggests a troubling home life.

I think you should say whatever’s on your mind — that you’re angry, that you’re concerned, that you don’t understand their actions.

What feels more important than venting, however, is making sure they know, and Bobby knows, that he has someone like you to stand up for him.

One of the most frustrating things about this is having to explain my very boring plate of plain lettuce sans dressing that is quite often the only reliable item on a menu that I can order when eating out with friends/acquaintances.

The most common symptom is a severe migraine. It always is preceded by me essentially losing my vision for an hour, and when left untreated can get pretty bad.

Additionally, I’m on meds for depression, and those don’t always mix well with migraine meds. So, avoidance of triggers is my best option.

I typically avoid social gatherings to avoid people arching their brow and asking if the usually wilted lettuce is all I am eating (I love a good steak as much as the next person, but I can’t trust that how the cook prepares it won’t trigger a migraine.)

I frequently feel or am made to feel like I am making a big deal of the dietary issues, which is why I avoid food gatherings as much as possible. If I enjoy myself and ignore my dietary needs, I get horrifically sick. If I eat what is safe, there are a lot of awkward questions. I’m not sure what the better approach is here.

People do tend to have a lot of opinions about what others are eating, unfortunately. But it will be helpful for you to reframe the way you think about these interactions. Your allergies may be weird to others (or even to you), but you don’t have to operate within their narrative about you.

In response to the invasive questions, try these scripts:

Short and sweet: “Doctor’s orders.”

Spicy and saucy: “Surely there are more interesting things for us to talk about than what’s on my plate.”

Plain and healthy: “I’m happy with this; don’t worry about it.”