Ask Eric: Texted ‘joke’ offends mom

Dear Eric: I’m married with four kids and have a sizable extended family. One son who runs track finished the season with personal records in his events, placing second in the school’s all-time best records.

I sent out a family text to our extended family about his achievements. We got a load of congrats. However, my husband’s brother texted my eldest daughter, “Tell your brother to stop being first loser.”

My daughter showed me the text and chuckled. I’m not sure if she showed my son.

I’m so deeply angry about this. I know that everyone will tell me he was joking, but I just cannot get over it.

My initial feeling is to keep my son as far away from his uncle as possible for the rest of his life. My second feeling is to call said uncle to tell him he is a complete loser himself (which would be super biting because he just got laid off, has to sell his house and downsize everything).

I know I won’t do either, but I am having a hard time imagining being around him this summer. How do I express by complete disdain for his comments without upsetting the entire extended family? Am I being oversensitive?

Eric says: Not every “joke” is funny, and it’s often quite difficult to discern tone and context over text, so this message to your daughter lands in last place for me. But I think escalating the issue may do more harm than good.

You’re trying to be a protective parent for all of your kids, which is commendable. Unfortunately, we can’t always moderate the ways others interact with our loved ones.

So, I’m glad you won’t be keeping your son away from his uncle for life or calling the uncle to give him an earful. The good thing is he didn’t send anything to your son.

It’s likely this also bruised your feelings. So, talk your feelings over with your husband or another family member. See if you can chalk this up to weird behavior that wasn’t to your taste but didn’t cause any harm.

Dear Eric: I’m worried about a good friend of mine. He hits the bars, drinks heavily, and then drives home, often speeding. Should I call him on this behavior? If so, how do I go about it?

Eric says: Yes, you should call him out. And during the callout let him know that if he doesn’t stop, your next call will be to the authorities. He’s taking his life in his hands and, even more gravely, endangering anyone who is unlucky enough to cross his path.

Tell it to him straight. This is dangerous behavior, it needs to stop, and if he needs help managing his drinking, you’re there for him. Don’t wait until the next time it happens. Do it now.

According to the National Highway Transportation Safety Administration, in the United States on average a person dies in an alcohol-related crash every 42 minutes. This figure doesn’t even take into account injuries caused by alcohol-impaired driving, property damage or the emotional devastation that can result from any of the aforementioned. All of it is preventable.