Ask Eric: Pet’s death hounds sad owner

Dear Eric: Two years ago I had to put my 13-year-old Yorkshire Terrier named Shorty to sleep. This broke my heart.

Within a couple of months, I decided to get another dog, a Gold Dust Yorkie named Buddy. I realize now that I should not have done this so quickly.

I can’t seem to get Shorty out of my mind. At the time we did everything we could for him, but now I think we could have done more.

Can you please give me some advice on how I can get past this? I am driving myself crazy with this thinking. But most of all, I am not being fair to Buddy.

Eric says: Grief after a pet’s death can be as complicated and long-lasting as the grief you feel after losing any other loved one. So, please grant yourself some grace.

And I can see why getting Buddy seemed like a logical and healthy coping strategy. For many people, getting another pet is exactly the right thing to do.

It seems like you’re having trouble feeling as close to Buddy as you want. Try to remember that your relationship with Shorty developed over 13 years. As with any other relationship, nothing is going to replace it.

Dogs are smart, especially around emotions. It’s possible that Buddy knows, in some way, that you’re navigating grief. Maybe what you both need right now is to walk through it together.

Dear Eric: I have a dear friend that I have known for 12 years. I have watched her grow into a beautiful, smart and talented young woman. I now realize that I am really in love with my best friend.

A few years ago, I asked if she ever considered that our relationship could be something more than a friendship and was met with a “no.” I know people can change and so can their feelings, like mine have. The old saying “persistence pays off” ruminates in my mind.

Should I take that leap of faith and declare my love for her and risk losing the friendship we built, or should I accept the fact that, after 12 years, if she was interested in me something would have happened by now? My eternal optimism and hope keep me clinging to these feelings, but I wonder if I am just setting myself up for heartbreak.

Eric says: It’s hard to have romantic feelings for someone who doesn’t reciprocate them. But, at the risk of sounding overly cheery, it’s a privilege to be close to someone whom you admire enough to love, platonically or romantically.

I know this is hard, but it’s helpful to focus on your own agency here. The friend zone trope suggests that the lovelorn are trapped in the cold shadow of platonic feelings. But friendships, and love relationships, are two-way streets. You have a lot of love on your side of the street, but you’re also in control of what you bring into the middle of said street.

Sometimes feelings are mismatched. But other times, love for a person you’ve known as long as you’ve known your friend can reveal itself to be complex and multi-faceted. I encourage you to lean into that and value the special relationship you already have.