Ask Eric: Gay neighbor could use support

Dear Eric: I’m a happily married woman who talks to a gay guy that frequently walks in my neighborhood. We have much in common. I recently gave him some plants from my garden, and we’ve texted a bit.

He said I could stop by his house sometime to chat. I sense that he’s nervous that I don’t know he has his partner living with him. The last thing I want to do is make him or his partner feel uncomfortable. Should I stop by?

Eric says: He extended the invitation, and it seems that it was genuinely offered, so I say you should accept. (Maybe call or text first to make sure it’s a good time.) Consider bringing a little gift, a plant or something.

I’m curious about the nervousness he might be feeling. Do you live in a neighborhood that wouldn’t be welcoming to a gay couple? If so, your visit could be a great help to him and his partner, extending a welcome and making sure they know they’ve got a friendly and safe house on the block.

Dear Eric: My daughter’s friend from childhood, Lucy, now 24, had issues with her physically and mentally abusive parents. Lucy always looked up to me as a successful single father, raising two daughters, my other being 17 now and about to enter her senior year in high school.

Lucy no longer is welcome to live with her mother. She asked if she could stay at my house for a while. I gave her permission as long as she helps with house chores and doesn’t smoke or vape, drink or upset the household.

She does minimal chores, only if prodded, and has taken on a nasty disposition. She goes back and forth into my yard to smoke and vape and doesn’t acknowledge me except to argue that she’s not a slave and can’t wait to leave when she is able.

Eric says: Sometimes good deeds need good parameters and, yes, consequences. You have a surrogate parental relationship with Lucy, but you’re not her father and so you’re stuck in a kind of limbo when it comes to guidance and authority. That’s tough.

However, Lucy’s behavior is creating a disruptive environment for your younger daughter; that should take precedence. So, I would take seriously her request that you have a conversation.

There are resources available for Lucy, from employment and housing assistance programs to job placement services to free or low-cost mental health counseling. When you talk to her, make it clear that the rules she agreed to aren’t being followed (use concrete examples). The solution could be her leaving, or it could be a modification of the living arrangement with very clear boundaries and very clear consequences.

The abuse she’s suffered is putting a roadblock in her path to success. Yet another contentious home environment is not helping her.

Dear Eric: My husband of 11 years has two daughters and a son, all successful with families of their own. The daughters live several hours away; the son is farther away. My husband recently has been in the hospital several times. Not once did his kids come to visit him. He’s a good father; he loves them and sends cards and gifts. He gave them a good life. What’s the solution?