Dear Eric: My younger brother “Mick” has been a heavy beer drinker for at least three decades with a high-stress career.
When he retired, his drinking escalated. He received a DUI which resulted in court-ordered visits at AA meetings for one year. Now he stays isolated in his home and drinks from sunup to sundown. And he’s very sensitive to people commenting on his drinking. He doesn’t see the problem.
He calls me nearly every day, sometimes two or three times a day, and I’m ready to scream. These calls last for two to three hours. He drones on with memories of his career, his challenges as a supervisor, family drama. I can hear him popping open beer cans every 15 to 20 minutes.
The only boundaries I’ve set are not to answer if I’m driving or running errands. I also don’t answer if it’s past 8 p.m. Can you think of other boundaries that I could use?
Eric says: I most certainly can. Decide when you can handle a phone call and for how long and tell him that’s his designated time. Perhaps it’s once a week for 15 minutes. When it’s not one of the designated times, consider having your phone silence any calls you get from him.
When you tell him the new schedule, you also can be honest with him about how the calls are affecting you and the concerning behavior you’ve noticed. He needs to hear the truth.
My heart goes out to Mick, who is in the grips of addiction. I’m sorry that AA didn’t work for him. I hope that he’ll give it or another method for treating addiction a try. He’s sensitive about comments because, despite his protests, he knows there’s a problem.
Stressed at the wheel
Dear Eric: My husband and I have been married for 56 years. My husband has issues with his eyes and has not driven for six years. My problem is that he is never on time, no matter where we are going. Whenever we go out, we end up having an argument. He also constantly keeps making remarks about my driving. This makes my blood pressure shoot up. My medication has been tripled. I am at my wits’ end. Please help.
