Ask Amy: Wife has a right to her opinion on family finances

Dear Amy: For the past five years, my husband has been churning credit cards (opening up credit card accounts solely for the opening bonus, then closing them after the bonus is received). He opens cards in both his name and mine.

This is legal, as far as I know. Plus, he's very organized, and we've never accumulated any interest or any fees. But I've recently started to feel uneasy about this and want him to stop doing this using my name.

When this started, I thought he knew best, so I didn't question him. Now I'm worried that he will be upset by my sudden interest in financial matters and the fact that he will lose out on half of the bonus money he receives from opening these accounts.

Amy says: As you pointed out, credit card churning is not illegal, although it is frowned upon by card issuers and can negatively affect you financially if you can't keep up with the payments.

Given that these bonuses are issued by credit card companies that are aggressively marketing their products and especially profiting from people who don't repay them promptly, it seems logical that some savvy consumers will find a way to take that predatory energy and direct it back at the companies. Your husband is one of those savvy consumers.

The most important thing for you to know is that you have the right to disagree with your husband about a financial decision, especially one that involves your name and your credit. He should not be opening credit card accounts in your name.

Your fear that your husband might be upset with you for making a decision that affects both of you is a red flag that you don't have an equal voice in your relationship. Yes, you should be intensely interested and intimately involved in your marital finances.

I haven't met his girlfriend or her children yet, but at some point we'll probably have a video call with them. With the holidays approaching, my wife and I are unsure about what we should do about gifts for these people. This is uncharted territory for us.

Amy says: You should ask your son for guidance. For the next little while, it will be his job to help build a bridge between his parents and his partner and her children.

Keep your offerings modest, and as an extra little nod to his new partner, you might send her a specialty from your home region: a piece of locally made pottery, or honey, syrup or hot sauce. Let her know that you are looking forward to meeting her and the children.

Dear Amy: I have a comment on the bride whose new hubby wants her to clean out her retirement account to help fund their purchase of a house.

Taking money from retirement accounts such as a 401(k) early will trigger a penalty. And even though this is (ideally) a temporary withdrawal, the money cannot just be redeposited once she gets it back because there are limits to annual contributions.