Dear Amy: I am a 73-year-old man who was widowed four years ago. I've been dating "Maria" for over a year. She is 71 and was raised in Spain. She is a genuinely good person, but she is smothering.
She says that I am the man of her dreams and that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. She says this with total earnestness and wide-eyed schoolgirl innocence. I do feel love for her, though not as intensely as she does for me. I've just never felt that special "click" with her.
My dilemma is this: I want to date other women. I want to find one that I really click with and without having to always explain basic Americana (like baseball, "The Wizard of Oz" or the Emmy Awards). Maria never really immersed herself in our culture.
But I know that breaking up with Maria will tear her apart. After my wife died, I had one relationship before this one; after nine months the woman broke up with me and I felt shattered. I don't want her to feel that way, and I know how badly she would take it.
I've already made two attempts at breaking up, and each time she's basically talked me out of it. She says it's fine if I see other women, but she needs to see me once a week because she can't live without me in her life.
I enjoy her very much when I'm with her, but I don't really miss her when we're apart. I also think at times, how can I give up a love this deep and pure? What is your advice?
Amy says: You need to back slowly away from this relationship (the way you would after encountering a bear in the woods). And then turn around and run.
Maria is holding a number of red flags and waving them at you. This is not a deep and pure love; this is clutching and smothering.
