Ask Amy: When 'in-laws' become 'out-laws'

Dear Amy: A few years ago, one of my husband's sisters was very ill and needed help. All the siblings pitched in. She is healthy now, and it made them realize that they wanted to spend more time together.

However, they exclude the "nonfamily" in these gatherings. Even though my husband and I have been married for 36 years, I'm considered nonfamily because I'm not related by blood.

They get together three or four times a year. I'm never invited.

My husband and I moved a distance away a few years ago. Last year when we returned for one of these gatherings, I had dinner with a friend and then waited for 30 minutes for my husband to come out of the restaurant, where he was with his siblings.

He said I could have joined them, but I know they don't want anyone but siblings.

I have told him that if I travel with him again so he can see his siblings, I will not wait in the parking lot for him. Should I be more understanding about his time with his siblings?

Amy says: I don't think it's that uncommon for siblings to want to get together, and yet there is a balance here where spouses should not be (or feel) deliberately excluded. In my own massive in-law family (13 siblings), I've formed an attachment to the spouses, and we occasionally have our own "out-law" get-togethers when the siblings are hanging together.

On the other hand, I can't imagine waiting in a parking lot, fuming, when you could have simply entered the venue and joined them for a cup of coffee. You're an adult. You have the responsibility to treat others as you wish to be treated.

Dear Amy: I have a nephew who is eight years younger than me.

We were very close as kids, but after college he moved several states away. He is now married, with kids, and works in the medical field. Last year we were thrilled when his family moved two hours away.

I had planned a small outdoor party to celebrate my wedding, with 50 guests. With our large family, paring down the guest list was no easy task.

I personally gave his wife the invitation at a shower, about three months earlier. I invited the kids, too. I received no response. Not even a Facebook message.

The day before the party, my sister (his mom) told me that he had just gotten back from a vacation and couldn't make it. She didn't address his lack of communication. Is this behavior normal now?

That was a year ago. I am still hurt. I realize I probably shouldn't take it personally, but it is hard not to. How do I move past this hurt?

Amy says: Polite and timely RSVPs have fallen by the wayside. This is why many hosts are forced to contact those they haven't heard from two weeks before the event. This is not only frustrating, but also hurtful.

You should reach out to your nephew (not his wife or his mom, but him). Tell him, "I felt rejected that you and your family never responded to the invitation to my wedding celebration last summer. It's gnawing at me, and I'm wondering — should I take this personally?"