Ask Amy: Wedding attendant wants to bow out

Dear Amy: My sibling has asked me to be a part of their wedding party. I was shocked — in a positive way. I've never been asked to be part of a wedding party before.

I love and respect my sibling immensely, even though we are not super close. While I want to support them on their special day, I am getting anxious about standing up in front of people, and the wedding isn't even until later next year.

Any presentations I had to give during school resulted in my face/body turning so red that I was asked if I had a severe sunburn. I also have hyperhidrosis, where I can sweat through an entire outfit in a matter of minutes and be left with drenched clothing that people can see.

My anxiety not to be the center of attention has led to me and my fiancé planning a private wedding with just our young kids and parents attending. My sibling does not even know this yet (the wedding date hasn't been set), so should I break that news at the same time?

How can I say this so no feelings are hurt?

Amy says: It was kind of your sibling to include you in the wedding party.

You've probably been to weddings, and so you know that the focus is mainly on the couple getting married. All the same, attendants are definitely on stage, and the idea of this is triggering a lot of anxiety for you.

Ask if there are other ways you can be helpful during the planning process.

In terms of your own wedding, you should not combine these two conversations. You have every right to design your own wedding in whatever way you choose, but you should do your best to separate the two events.

Dear Amy: For decades, I did my own taxes, until a couple years ago when we got audited. After that, I found a firm to handle our income taxes.

Recently the state revenue office informed us that the accountant made a very basic error. She entered the federal income instead of the state income on one of our state tax returns.

I emailed our accountant the letter from the state and asked if it was true. She wrote back, "That's correct. Thanks for sharing!"

Ever since our costly audit, everything about taxes intimidates me, and I'm not sure what to do — ask for a different accountant, switch firms? Or should I just hope she's learned from the mistake?

Amy says: This is a business relationship. Yes, people do make mistakes, but when someone you have hired makes a mistake, they need to admit it, make it right and then work to restore your confidence.

Because this is a new arrangement, and your accountant has done none of these things, you should contact the firm and ask to be paired with a different accountant. Interview this person to make sure they are strong communicators.