Dear Amy: Eighteen months ago, a friend gave me two highly collectible vintage items. I had always loved them, and she said she didn't care for them anymore.
About a year ago she abruptly moved across the country to live with her boyfriend, and she cut all contact; it's clear that she has no intention of speaking with me again.
I still have the items she gave to me, and while I do like them, because our relationship ended on a sour note, I don't want to keep them. They're quite valuable — about $800 for the pair — so my first instinct is to sell them. But to complicate things, I'm really great friends with her brother, "James," who still lives in my city.
James and his sister shared the items in childhood (a gift from their mother), and so I'm feeling torn. Would it be rude of me to sell them? His sister told me that he doesn't have any interest in keeping them.
Should I ask permission to sell them? If he says yes, should I give him a portion of the money? Or Is it OK to just sell them and keep the money?
Amy says: These items were given to you, and, because they are now your property, you have the right to sell them. However, because you still have a close relationship with James, the ethical thing to do is to offer these items to him first.
Tell James that because your relationship with his sister seems to have faded, you wonder if he would like to have these family heirlooms. Even if he doesn't want them, he might choose to pass them along to another family member.
If James tells you he's not interested, you should tell him you'd like to sell them. Transparency will help to preserve your friendship with him. Whether to share the money with him is a judgment call — it's not necessary to offer.
