Ask Amy: Uninvited guest now feels disinvited

Dear Amy: My sister and I have not spoken to each other for quite a while. My niece (her daughter) is getting married, and I reached out to this niece, saying that if it would cause unhappiness between her and her mother by inviting me to the wedding, I would understand if she left me out.

I just found out from family members that I am not being invited, but my niece didn't call me. I am hurt that she didn't take the time to tell me herself. We have had a good relationship — up until now.

I am inclined not to send a gift for a wedding that I wasn't invited to nor called about. What are your thoughts?

Amy says: Normally, people don't notify those who aren't invited to a wedding. Yes, it would have been thoughtful for your niece to risk having the awkward "as you suggested, you're not invited to the wedding" conversation with you, but this bride is simply following your suggestion.

You already are estranged from your sister. You now harbor wounded feelings toward her daughter. This is how generational estrangements are perpetuated.

I think you should reclaim the spirit of your original offer, be the bigger person and personally congratulate your niece after the wedding has taken place.

If you don't want to give her a gift, you should send her a warmly written note, telling her that you were thinking about her on her special day, and that you're looking forward to reconnecting with her in order to congratulate her in person.

Upon the swiping of the credit card, the machine prompted me to enter a 10, 15 or 20% tip. Had I been in a restaurant, this would not have given me pause.

My question: Is tipping on a wedding dress purchase the thing to do these days?

Amy says: No, there is no need to tip a sales associate. Furthermore, you might have expressed your surprise to the store manager when this prompt appeared.

Getting a customer to "say yes to the dress" is the salesperson's job. Presumably, salespeople either are offered a commission on a sale or are compensated well enough to incentivize them to provide good, helpful and enthusiastic service.

All of these costs will have been baked into the cost of the dress.

Dear Amy: A recent letter writer had been invited to a large wedding followed by a reception, then, a month before the wedding, received a postcard saying the ceremony would be private but the reception was still on.

I have been to at least two such wedding receptions where the couple decided they wanted a private ceremony first, just including their immediate families. It never occurred to me to be offended; rather I felt like it reflected their intention to focus on their vows more privately.

I don't see why you thought the writer had a right to be upset.

Amy says: I agree with you about private weddings, but the concern here was that the couple had changed their plans midstream.