Ask Amy: Suicide jokes are never funny

Dear Amy: My sister died two years ago by suicide after years of struggling with PTSD from sexual assaults that happened when she was a teenager.

Three months ago I started a new job working with prosecutors and victim advocates. This is difficult and draining work. This pressure manifests among my colleagues in self-deprecating statements about mental health, like: "Hopefully no one finds me dead in the morning," and after something annoying happens in court: "I guess I'll just go kill myself."

I've been forced to hide my discomfort with their jokes. But the humor seems to provide validation that the job is hard. I feel awkward for not participating.

With the holidays approaching, my sister's loss has been more difficult for me. I want to speak up but I'm unsure how. Do you have any advice?

Amy says: I'm genuinely sorry for your loss.

Making jokes such as "I guess I'll just go kill myself" are tasteless and inappropriate regardless of the context.

Because of your situation, you are sensitized to comments like this, but it's safe to assume that others in earshot (clients, victims, fellow staffers) also are sensitive to these comments.

You should react to a comment like this in the moment and in front of others: "I know you don't mean it, but those of us who have lost family members to suicide have learned not to joke about it." And then let it lie.

You've got some tough times ahead. The holidays are hard for people who have experienced loss. Be honest and gentle toward yourself, as well as others.

Dear Amy: My wife and I recently moved to the area where I grew up. As such, I am often introducing her to people.

When she meets a person for the first time, she occasionally opens up with: "Omigod! Did you know you have a doppelganger?" And then she goes on to describe an old friend, acquaintance or regional celebrity from her past and how the two are alike.

She always frames it in a positive light. Nonetheless, I tend to cringe because I do not believe that people want to hear this, even if it's meant as a compliment. My wife, however, does not seem to think this is an issue. I would like to hear your take on this.

Being told you resemble someone you've never heard of is not the most sparkling conversation starter, but I suggest that this is not behavior that you should feel the need to correct.