Dear Amy: I have been with my husband for 29 years. For the most part, we are happy and compatible. However, over the last three years he has changed course on me.
We were both Christians until he embraced a New Age philosophy that is in no way compatible with my beliefs. He stopped attending services with me and has no interest in our church anymore. This hurts me deeply.
I still love him, but this has put a barrier between us. Plus, some of the comments he has made have caused trust issues on my part. For instance, he says that he believes it is OK for a partner to cheat if he or she is unhappy, because God wants us to be happy.
It seems his morals have gone out the window along with his religion. What do you think I should do?
Amy says: Although I do believe that every person has the human right to explore spiritual beliefs and practices, I think this is a marital issue.
Does God want married people to cheat in order to chase their own happiness? Aha! We've arrived at your husband's motivation. Everything else is boilerplate. I think you should assume that your husband has fashioned a God that will approve of his behavior, as a way to gaslight you.
A clashing of values
Dear Amy: I am a nondrinker in my 60s. I have to go to a great niece's wedding, and they are having a cocktail hour at a bar next door. I don't want to go to a bar. My husband thinks it's OK to go there and have a soft drink.
I don't want to be seen in a bar and do not think it's right for me to even pretend I'm drinking alcohol or put on the illusion of doing so. I want to set a good example for others and maintain my own standards.
