Dear Amy: I've been with "Angie" for about six months. We are both in our late 20s and are compatible in many ways. I could see planning a future with her.
There is one issue, however. She asks to "go through" my phone on a regular basis. She says that her previous boyfriend cheated on her, and that going through my phone eases her anxiety about being cheated on.
I let her do this because I have nothing to hide, but this doesn't feel right. I'm wondering if this is something I should be concerned about.
Amy says: You should not submit to any behavior that "doesn't feel right," and this need of Angie's to dive regularly into your personal data is a major red flag.
The only reason to go through a partner's phone is if there is a history of infidelity or a lack of trust in that relationship — and the decision to turn over a phone should be made by mutual agreement. This is not the way to build trust in a new relationship.
You might confront this by telling Angie that she is going to have to find other ways to deal with her anxiety, and that you'd like to help, but that you cannot do it by supplying proof, on demand, that you're not a bad guy.
Ultimately, trust is a choice, and she doesn't seem ready to make it.
Send love, not money
Dear Amy: In recent years we've had a falling out with our child's spouse, and it's come down to the in-law's way or no way. Although I love our child and grandchildren dearly, I won't let the in-law dictate how I live my life.
