Ask Amy: Small wedding becomes big deal

Dear Amy: My long-term girlfriend and I got engaged and are planning a wedding next year. We're anticipating 40 to 60 guests, made up exclusively of family and close friends.

My question is: Do we need to invite our co-workers? We both work in the same small (20-person) office within our church. We like everyone there, but are really close with only about five of them.

The wedding will be held at the church. We don't want anyone to feel left out, but we also don't relish adding 15 acquaintances to an event that is so intimate.

Should we invite them? Should we not? Is there a third option?

Amy says: No, you do not need to invite all 20 colleagues to your wedding.

For you, there is a possible third option. It's known as a "church family" wedding, and it might be an ideal solution for you.

In a church family wedding, the church (which, in this case, is also your workplace) opens up the wedding service to any church member who wants to attend. Attendees do not receive a printed invitation, but clergy would announce the wedding from the pulpit and/or publish it in the newsletter, and invite members to attend the ceremony if they would like.

After the ceremony, you and your new spouse would have some punch, cake and cookies in the church hall and thank your church family for witnessing your wedding. Later you and your invited guests would make their way to the reception venue for the private reception.

Dear Amy: How would you feel about having an in-law tell you: "Don't take this the wrong way, but I come first."

It came out of my brother-in-law's mouth about a year ago. A family gathering is coming up soon and, of course, I would avoid any negative situation, but I would like to hear from you regarding what you think I should do now?

Amy says: Any statement that begins with "Don't take this the wrong way ... " includes an invitation — if not a demand — to take it the wrong way. After all, is there any "right" way?

In the moment, you might have listened to this balderdash and perhaps responded: "Well then, how would you like me to take this?" (While it's too late to use this now, keep it in mind in case it happens again.)

And yes, while you probably always will remember this and attach it to your brother-in-law, I think that you should prove who comes first by behaving impeccably and with total confidence.