Ask Amy: Should kids be told about inheritance?

Dear Amy: Neither my wife nor I came from money. But thanks to a lot of hard work, good choices — and luck — our children will come into money.

Both of our kids are grown, married to terrific partners and on good career paths. My wife and I are in our late 60s and in good health, and we're thinking about giving them a full picture of the extent of the potential estate when we're all together at the holidays.

Is there any reason not to do that? We trust both them and their spouses completely.

If we do this, how much information should we give? Should we give them specific dollar amounts for each account? Provide all account numbers? Should we provide copies of our wills?

There's no mystery to our wills. My wife and I each leave our estate to the other upon either of our deaths, and the remainder equally to each child once the surviving spouse dies. The amount is quite substantial now and likely to be more as time goes on.

I could also see updating the information every year just so they know where things stand.

I don't see any reason to have any mystery. I'd like to make it simple for them to sort things out when the time comes. Plus, it would help in their own financial planning.

Amy says: My opinion is that you should keep your specific financial affairs private until you have the counsel of a qualified financial planner and have chosen an executor.

I do think it is important for you to let your children know that you and your wife are doing well financially, that your wills are drawn up and that they will inherit equally. I don't think it's necessary for them to see your wills.

You might want to consider ways to disperse some of your estate before you die, perhaps through purchasing or helping them to purchase homes or establishing college funds for their children.

If you decide to disclose the particulars, do not share your bank and investment account numbers with them. These should be kept private.

Let your children and executor know where your documents are located (keep these updated with all passwords included) and make sure they can contact your lawyer and investment adviser.

Dear Amy: As I drove around my area right before election day, I started to think that we should take down every single sign and personal political flag.

If we didn't know how others voted, I think we'd all get along better. I used to be friendly to everyone I'd meet along a sidewalk or coming out of a store, and now I avoid those people who advertise views that are different from mine.

Political divisiveness is ruining everything.

Amy says: If you believe that political divisiveness is ruining positive human interactions, then you should rethink your own behavior. You used to be friendly toward everyone, and now if you know or suspect they've voted differently than you, you avoid them.

I'm suggesting that you have your own part to play (we all do) in terms of maintaining the peaceful, pluralistic society citizens want to enjoy.