Ask Amy: Pushy grandparents need to back off

Dear Amy: I'm a parent to a fantastic adult son who is caring, intelligent, hardworking and financially comfortable. Because of the nature of his job, he is able to work fewer hours than his friends. He uses this free time to his advantage.

He figured this all out without going to college and isn't being crushed by student loans. I am extremely proud of him.

The problem is my parents. Every opportunity they get, they bring up how he needs to get a degree or go into a specific in-demand field he's not interested in. The return on investment hardly seems worth it to my son. He has told them as much.

My sister and I also have told them on numerous occasions that he is happy, healthy and financially independent, and that we are proud of him.

They don't seem to get it. They are critical of his lack of education. He has a substantial amount of money saved, and has time and resources to pursue his interests. If higher ed was an interest, he'd be pursuing it.

How can I get them to stop offering unsolicited career and education advice to my son? I worry they will alienate him if they keep hounding him with all of their good intentions.

Amy says: Here's a radical suggestion: Stop caring what your parents think. They've already expressed their position to you and your son, repeatedly, and you and others have made a good case for him.

When they voice their opinions, listen but avoid a discussion. Them: "We're worried about him." You: "That's too bad." Them: "Aren't you worried about him?" You: "Nope."

The fact is that they will alienate their grandson if they don't stop weighing in. Why? Because it is both boring and dispiriting to hear, over and over again, that the fulfilling life you've chosen to live is simply not good enough.

I hope your parents figure this out before they irreparably damage the relationship.

Dear Amy: I finalized a divorce from an emotionally abusive husband in January. I attempted to reach out to a friend from high school during this time, and she indicated that she was busy and was going through things, too.

I understood, and stopped reaching out. She recently has started texting and has asked questions that I know are well intentioned, but hurt me.

She has asked if I am still working full time, and if I can hang out during the day or bring the kids to the pool for the afternoon.

I was a little hurt when she was not able to be there for me during a hard time, and now I feel like I'm constantly saying that I cannot afford with time or money the things that she wants to do.

How do I explain to my married stay-at-home mom friend that I'm not able to engage in that way?

Amy says: Your friend is trying to be helpful. Her offers are misguided, but she might not know that because (aside from turning down offers) you don't seem to have told her.

See her in person during a weekend when you don't have the children with you. Your life has changed radically, and you will have to describe it to her.