Ask Amy: Pride flag unfurls family division

Dear Amy: My stepdaughter is 21. She came out as gay about a year ago. We have been very supportive of her. We are very fond of her girlfriend.

For Christmas, the two of them bought my wife and me a pride flag to display on our front porch. I have to be honest that while supportive, I do not have any desire to fly the flag on my house.

In addition to possibly insulting my stepdaughter and her girlfriend (who do not live with us), my wife also might feel offended if I say something against this.

Is there anything I can say or do to not sound like a terrible person? I'm really struggling with this.

Amy says: This presents an opportunity for you and your wife to learn the intent and symbolism behind this gift.

Did these two women present you with this flag to acknowledge your allyship? Have they given this to you in hopes that you will somehow complete your ally-journey by quite literally flying the flag?

I asked my friend Zack Ford to weigh in (Zack most recently covered LGBTQ issues for the news website ThinkProgress). He responded: "First, the parents need to talk to each other. What is their hesitation to put out the flag? Are they concerned about how neighbors will react? Do they not want to have to explain or defend it to others?

Zack and I agree that once you communicate about this and know more about the intent, you could make a decision. We also agree that if you ultimately don't want to display it, you shouldn't.

One possible compromise is that you might fly this flag during June, which is Pride Month.

Dear Amy: My wife's daughter died in December due to liver and kidney failure, following a hospital stay of 20 days, mostly in the ICU and under intubation.

She was only 46 and in fair health until she recently developed back pain and then difficulty walking. She had a husband and 10-year-old twins.

When would it be appropriate for them to start grief counseling? It seems to me that the twins need to gain perspective regarding the sudden loss of their mother.

It would be appropriate for all grieving family members to attend grief counseling, as soon as possible, and to continue with counseling for as long as they want.

The hospital should have recommendations for local grief groups.

For the children, you might want to introduce them to a book titled "The Invisible String, written by Patrice Karst and illustrated by Joanne Lew-Kriethoff. This classic picture book might seem a little young for your 10-year-old grandchildren, but its message about the love that binds us should resonate with all of you.

I hope that you and your wife can offer these children a port in the storm. Spend a lot of time with them. Establish rituals and routines that they can snuggle into. Encourage them to talk about their mom whenever they want to and in any context.

And you and your wife should freely share happy memories of her, show them childhood photos if they're interested and be as stalwart as you are able.