Dear Amy: My daughter and son-in-law allow their 17-year-old son to drink alcohol in their home — and not just a sip of wine. They believe that he will become normalized to drinking and not consider it "forbidden fruit" when he goes away to college.
Because there is a history of alcoholism in our family, I'm not convinced this is wise. Am I wrong?
Amy says: If these parents drink at home with their son, that's their business. But I don't grasp how they can imagine that their son will enter the binge-drinking atmosphere of the typical college campus limiting his own excess because of the experience he's acquired by being a social drinker at home. ("Sorry, Delta Tau Chi brothers, I'll pass on that kegger as I slowly sip my fine Merlot.")
If you have alcoholism in the family, you (and his parents) should warn, educate and urge this boy to be aware that alcohol use disorder runs in the family and that he is vulnerable.
A few statistics from the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA.NIH.gov): An estimated 1,519 students between the ages of 18 and 24 die from alcohol-related injuries, including car crashes, while attending college; 696,000 students are assaulted by another student who has been drinking, and 13% of students graduate from college with Alcohol Use Disorder.
Your grandson likely will drink in college. Most college students do. But he should be aware of the family history and negative consequences.
In-law issues
Dear Amy: My son and his wife have a young child. All grandparents live in their town, although the maternal grandparents have several vacation homes they maintain.
Our son and his wife are both professionals, and my husband and I do everything we can to help, including babysitting, taking our grandchild on outings, etc. The problem arises when it comes to holidays and family gatherings. We are expected to host and invite the other set of grandparents to everything, which is fine, but we are never included in their plans.
