Ask Amy: Pandemic offers a lesson in perseverance

Dear Amy: I think this is a tall order, but I am asking for your thoughts about how to process the experience of the last couple of years.

I am overwhelmed by all of the sadness, division, dislocation and loss, and I wonder if the pandemic has scarred me permanently.

I'm curious about your perspective on this.

Amy says: Let me offer up two of my favorite modern philosophers: Viktor Frankl and Dolly Parton.

Frankl, a psychiatrist, was imprisoned at Auschwitz concentration camp, where all of his captive family members died. He survived. His book about this experience, "Man's Search for Meaning," offers indelible lessons about resilience.

Boiled down, Frankl's belief is that human beings can find meaning and the motivation to persevere by unlocking their sense of purpose and by developing a rich inner life.

On to Dolly, who said, "Storms make trees take deeper roots."

Surely the pandemic has connected us to other humans throughout time, who have experienced war, hunger, trauma and dislocation. The pandemic is tough, but it is not the worst.

Personally, you can see your scars as evidence that you cannot heal, or you can emerge wounded, but determined to grow. I say: lead with your scars; they are proof of your humanity.

Dear Amy: Six years ago, after a gathering with my husband of 30 years, his mom, his two sisters and a brother-in-law, one of the sisters wrote me a scathing letter.

The letter enumerated all of my faults as she perceived them, said I do not contribute anything to the family and said that the entire family despises me. The letter showed signs of different writing styles and voices, so I'm pretty sure more than one person contributed to it.

After six years of silence, the sisters have started sending me birthday cards and messages as if nothing happened. They say they want to get together.

Amy says: These in-laws have opened a door, and I suggest that you walk through it. You might receive some clarification over a situation that continues to bother you.

And so, ask about it. You can say, "I'm completely baffled. Six years ago, I received a letter, signed by you, that spelled out in detail all of my flaws. It also said that your family despises me. I completely accept that. If something has changed, you should let me know."

There is a remote possibility that you will receive a response that is authentic and surprising. Most likely, you can expect something along the lines of: "Wow, that was no big deal. I can't believe you took that so seriously!"

If so, that's when you'll know that keeping your distance is the wisest course.