Ask Amy: No embarrassment in taking care of yourself

Dear Amy: I am a woman in my mid-40s with two grown children. I have suffered with depression and anxiety for much of my life. I am on medication and work weekly with a therapist.

Things had been under control until recently. Over the past few months, my mother had a stroke, my husband had a heart attack and one of my children called off their wedding. I handled everything as it was happening, but once things settled, I had a bit of a breakdown.

I took some time off work to attend to my mental health. When I returned, I was pretty much told I was no longer needed at the company. I was very hurt, but in reality, it probably was time for me to move on.

My husband and I decided that we could make it on his salary, and I still wasn't in a great place mentally. My therapist agreed that I was not ready to return to work.

Being home, I've been accomplishing a lot of things we had been putting off because of a lack of time and energy. However, I struggle to respond when people ask about my work. When I tell people I don't work, there's always an implied question as to why. My children are grown, I'm not disabled, so what do I say when the questions get personal?

Amy says: Your history of mental illness might have sensitized you to questions about your situation, but I'll offer a gentle reminder that taking care of your mental health is nothing to be embarrassed about.

All the same, no one should feel forced to reveal their health history, just to fulfill a conversation-starter.

I suggest a friendly but vague response: "I left my previous job not too long ago, and I'm taking a break until I start my next chapter. In fact, this might be my next chapter, because I love working at home."

Dear Amy: My wonderful daughter is soon to have her first child.

She and her husband, "Jackson" moved to a community not far from his mother. My husband and I live much farther away.

The mother-in-law is a very big personality and often demands attention (especially after a cocktail or three). Our relationship is not exactly warm, but definitely cordial.

My worry is that when I visit my daughter and the new baby, the mother-in-law will come over and "suck all the oxygen" out of the room.

Any advice?

Amy says: My first piece of advice is that you shouldn't buy a problem before they're on sale.

Your assumptions about the dynamic might turn out to be entirely correct, but entering the family system worrying mainly about what you won't get (enough alone-time with your daughter and grandchild) might not be best for your daughter right now.

One boundary your daughter should establish immediately is that her mother-in-law should not pop in, unannounced.

You could try to telegraph your expectations in advance of your visit by telling your daughter, "I assume I'll see Jackson's mother while I'm visiting, but I hope that I can also enjoy some family time with just you, Jackson and the baby."