Dear Amy: My husband's brother and his wife announced about a year ago that they were divorcing because of irreconcilable differences. To be honest we have no idea why they stayed together as long as they did. They had a loveless marriage.
About a month later, my brother-in-law introduced us to his new girlfriend. She reached out on Facebook. I accepted her friend request and was trying to get to know her by looking at her past posts. That's when I realized that she and my brother-in-law had been in a relationship for at least five years.
I was raised with a strong belief in the sanctity of marriage, and I find their infidelity and lack of shame about it to be disturbing. I try not to let this knowledge get in my way of being friendly with them, but it's always in the back of my mind, and I've found myself avoiding them.
Do you have any suggestions on what I can do to keep this relationship friendly?
Amy says: Generally, when a separated or very recently divorced person introduces another partner to the family very quickly after parting with the spouse, it's a sign that the new person has been on the scene for a while.
You don't have all the details. Your brother-in-law and his former wife might have had an understanding or were negotiating about how to handle their marriage and outside relationships before their divorce.
The girlfriend's posts indicate that there is an overall lack of shame regarding the relationship, and whether this is because they actually are shameless or part of a much more complicated personal situation remains to be seen. I suggest you work hard to keep your harsher judgment in check.
Wrong number
Dear Amy: I have two friends, both of whom live across the country, who like to call me for extended conversations. Both of these people talk nonstop. I spend these calls waiting for a tiny pause that would allow me to blurt out that I have to go.
