Dear Amy: My sister and I are both in our 70s and retired. She has made life choices that have left her alone and out of money with serious health issues. She has had multiple marriages that failed. She quit working in her 30s because of health concerns.
I believe our mother supported her for years before my mother's death in 2003. We live 1,000 miles apart, but she has children who live near her: one who has not had contact with her in a decade, and one who helps only when she feels she has to.
I have been married for over 40 years; we both worked hard for decades and have a reasonable retirement that may or may not last as long as we live.
My sister has often expressed how she needs money, without actually asking for it. I have given her about $1,000 over this past year. I send cash gifts for holidays and birthdays, but I'm sure that is nowhere near what she needs.
She has recently asked me to exit her life because of my "lack of support." I am looking for an objective answer as to what my support for her should be, if any.
Her children have never asked me for money. The one who does help her out reluctantly is a high earner. The other one, not so much.
I wonder how other families handle these situations. Any advice?
Amy says: Other families handle this the way your family is: by wading through their confusion, guilt and sorrow — and by making choices they then doubt. In short, most families react to messy situations in messy ways.
