Ask Amy: Mourning dead pup is sister's pet peeve

Dear Amy: We just learned that our beloved elder pup has a brain tumor that will end her life soon.

Sad preparations are being made to have her euthanized at home, and for someone to prepare a grave. I have notified people who will want to say goodbye (like my grandsons, whom my pet loves), and other family members.

But I hesitate telling my sister. When my last pet passed away, she wanted to be there when we buried him. When the time came, she was nowhere to be found.

I waited for over an hour, and then decided to go ahead without her. When she finally showed up, she was beside herself that I did not wait, and sobbed like it had been her pet that died. She admonished me for not waiting, and I told her to go home.

I don't want to spend the last few weeks I have with my pet dealing with my sister's drama. It's not like she spends a lot of time at our home; I rarely see her unless she needs something.

It will be all I can do to keep myself together the day we have to do this awful deed, and I don't feel that I should have to comfort her. But if I don't tell her until after the fact, she'll flip out.

This is a no-win situation. How should I handle this?

Compared with the importance of that tender mercy, your sister's flip-out is small potatoes. I say, do exactly what is best for your pet, your family and you.

Dear Amy: I am a 60-year-old full-time musician. I have performed and taught for many years.

My much younger second cousin reached out by text and asked me to play for his upcoming wedding. I told him I was available. He has never mentioned an honorarium of any kind, and I haven't, either.

We have no regular interaction of any kind. Should I just accept the invitation and not expect an honorarium because he is extended family?

I feel a bit awkward asking about receiving payment for my services. I didn't want to appear greedy.

Amy says: If you don't ask to be paid or discuss payment, you most likely will not be paid.

This payment should not be considered "an honorarium," but an exchange of money for your hard work and professional service. An honorarium is offered for services for which no price is expected or set. You are a professional musician, and this is a gig.

You should be very specific and professional in your response to your second cousin. Doing so will eliminate stress and confusion later.

Here is sample wording (you can fill in your own details): "For weddings, I will play before and during the ceremony — if you want — and for two hours during the reception. If you hire a DJ, they should take over after dinner and during the dancing.

"My normal fee is $XXX plus a meal and travel expenses. I'd be happy to give you the 'family discount' and charge $XXX for the evening. Let me know if this is acceptable, and I'd be happy to discuss music choices with you. Congratulations. I'm honored to be asked to perform at your wedding."