Dear Amy: At 54, my mother, already blessed with two academically accomplished children in the eighth and 12th grades, says she wants to have a third child.
My father, who is 57, is adamant that he doesn't want another baby. He is a middle-school teacher and could retire within a few years. The idea of raising another child weighs heavily on him, having managed young students his whole life.
Nobody except my mother wants another child. To accomplish this without enduring another pregnancy, she's exploring surrogacy. She says she is encouraged by medical professionals who believe her fertility levels can produce a baby.
I'm also concerned about my mom's demanding work schedule. She works extremely long hours. I am nearly 18 and will leave for college next year. Am I selfish in questioning the allocation of resources, as my mother contemplates funding a new life while lamenting her inability to pay tuition for a private college?
Is it OK for my mother to divide our family, considering no one's wishes except her own?
Amy says: Having a child through surrogacy is extremely expensive — especially if your mother expects to do so through having fertility treatments and contributing her own eggs for the surrogate's pregnancy.
And would your father be expected to contribute his DNA to this process? If so, he has opportunities to refuse to do so.
Your mother has the right to make choices about her own body, but no — she does not have the right to bring a baby into the family against your father's wishes. Therapy is the ideal place for your parents to discuss this challenging issue.
