Dear Amy: My sister "Kelly," who lives out of state, won't be joining us for Christmas because Mom said no when Kelly asked if she could bring her married boyfriend home to meet the family.
I am firmly in Mom's corner and am hurt and disappointed that Kelly is choosing him over family. Kelly says the situation is "complicated," but for me it's not actually that complicated. My morals can be flexible at times, but marriage is an absolute line in the sand.
Am I being too judgy? Do I have to be supportive? Kelly is bound to bring him home at some point. I have no idea how to act.
Amy says: Bringing your married squeeze home for the holidays isn't exactly the makings of a Hallmark Channel movie. Still, you are being judgy, but feeling (or fearing) harsh judgment is the eternal sisters' lament. In many families, scrutinizing and judging one another is part of the sister relationship.
Consider making a deliberate choice not to judge your sister. Perhaps you could deliver this sentiment as a holiday gift: "I'm not here to judge you. But Mom's not ready, and I'm not ready to meet this man. We'll miss you this year, but let's make sure to talk on Christmas Day."
Yes, you should be supportive of your sister as a person, but you are not required to support all of her choices.
Dear Amy: My husband and I got married later in life (when I was 49, he was 44). This is his second marriage. We have struggled a bit with finances because I came into the marriage with much more, financially, so after a few years we decided to open a joint account.
I was excited to begin this commingling because it would establish more of a team approach to our future goals. But after three months I am realizing that he's spent nearly twice what he has contributed, and this is now creating more challenges.
