Ask Amy: Man insists on biological child to create family legacy

Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I are in our 50s. We have known each other for 15 years, but started dating two years ago after my divorce (my boyfriend has never married).

Neither of us has children, and we are both only children.

My boyfriend regrets never having had children. He steadfastly does not want to adopt; he wants a child who is related to him by blood.

He seems to think that surrogacy is the way to go. Since I am no longer fertile, he wants to use his sperm with donated eggs. He initially thought I could carry this embryo, but I told him that would be very risky.

I told him he needs to do his research and also present a plan for how to provide for the child, should something happen to us.

Am I wrong to think he is not being realistic? Is it fair to bring a child into the world whose parents will be in their 60s when he or she is in grammar school, and over 75 at college graduation?

Your thoughts?

You are dealing with this very important issue using inadequate information. If you do decide to try to have a baby as a couple, you (both) should see a specialist for genetic, fertility and surrogacy counseling. Furthermore, he seems like a person who wants what he wants when he wants it. That attitude and parenthood don't go well together.

We share our world with a multitude of already born children who are deserving of love and a family connection. The love toward an adopted child (and the family legacy you create) is no different than that for a biological child. Insisting on a biological child to carry on your DNA in late middle age seems rather selfish.

Dear Amy: My sister and I have owned a vacation home together for more than 10 years. It has been a wonderful and affordable partnership. We have had minor scrapes, but have always been able to work things out.

We have always communicated with each other, if we ever needed exclusive use of the place over a weekend.

Unfortunately, we accidentally double-booked the same weekend. I planned to bring my granddaughters during their school break and she planned a girls' weekend with several friends. My sister said her friends could not change their plans, even though most of them don't have jobs.

She refused this offer, which I felt would have been a great compromise. She called off her plans, and is now trashing me to the rest of our extended family.

Was I out of line?

Amy says: The way you tell it, you were not out of line. Most important, your sister could have thanked you for relocating for the weekend, while declining (or renegotiating) your idea that she help pay for it. For her to cancel her own plans is pretty passive-aggressive — and it put you permanently on the defensive.

I hope you two find a way to resolve this. Sisters are not replaceable.