Dear Amy: I have read advice in your column suggesting that it is wisest to tell children about their adoption starting very young.

My 6-year-old twin grandchildren have never been told that their momma's eggs came from an egg donor. The parents are now divorced but are very friendly. Should they tell the kids? Their momma carried them and gave birth to them.

Amy says: As with children who join their families through adoption, parents should also tell children who were conceived through donation their true birth story.

What parents should not do is treat this as a mystery or a family secret. Families are made in many different ways, and children are capable of understanding this because they see it. Kids notice that not all families are the same.

They also are quite curious about their own origin story. Not knowing the truth and then finding out later can prove genuinely traumatic. They might struggle to understand their true identity and wonder why nobody ever told them the story surrounding their conception and birth.

Another reason for parents to tell this story is that in this day of easy DNA testing (and certainly in the future), all children will eventually have access to this knowledge when they are older.

Because these parents are divorced, they should both talk to the twins about the very happy way they came into the world. They should answer all questions as they arise. Even though some donor-conceived people eventually meet their biological relations, they know their parents are the people who raised them.

There are a number of charming children's books describing this process in age-appropriate ways. One I like is "The Pea That Was Me: An Egg-Donation Story," by Kimberly Kluger-Bell (2012, CreateSpace Independent).

A league of his own

Dear Amy: My wife and I have two young children. One is in preschool and the other is in first grade. My wife and I both work.

I recently found a basketball league of other dads that I'd like to join. The games are one evening a week. I haven't approached my wife about this, but, honestly, I'm nervous about it. She works really hard, and I don't want her to feel like I'm abandoning her.

Maybe I should just wait until the kids are older. What do you think?

Amy says: If "wait until the kids are older" is your primary strategy for tackling life, you will never leave the house again.

Parenting younger children is often about divide and conquer. You and your wife should both find something besides work (and outside the home) that engages, invigorates and connects you with other adults.

You should approach her with the idea that if she can hold down the fort one weeknight, you will take another night (or a weekend morning). If she is overwhelmed by this idea, you might be able to find a pickup game on a Saturday or Sunday, and either take the kids with you, or engage someone to play with the kids while you are playing with the dads.

Paycheck problems

Dear Amy: Your response to a letter about salary discussions and disclosure of compensation in the workplace was woefully incomplete. Many companies have a policy against salary discussions. And even if that's not the case, it doesn't mean that such conversations are appropriate.

Amy says: The letter-writer reported that her colleague confided that she (the colleague) hadn't received a raise during her entire 10-year career with the company. She could tell the colleague that others have received raises, without disclosing specifics.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.