Dear Amy: At the beginning of the pandemic, my husband and I took in a niece who had been living with other family members after having some mental health problems and leaving college.
Life with her parents is, in my opinion, the cause of much of her mental health problems. In short, she can't live at home.
However, my spouse and I are looking forward to an empty nest (our youngest is in his senior year at an out-of-state university), and we need to find the best way to gently nudge our niece out into the great big world on her own.
She has a job but has not done much to continue with her college education. We discussed it initially, and she took two classes, but then she stopped.
We live 2,500 miles from her home, and I can tell she misses her mother and sibling. I think it would be better if she lived somewhere closer to home so she could visit them if she wants.
Tough love will not be good for this young lady because she is not healthy enough mentally to be given ultimatums or deadlines. We'd appreciate your recommendations.
Amy says: You should involve your niece in discussing plans, without applying too much pressure. "The great big world" might be a little too big for her. If she likes her job, she might prefer to stay close by you, but the ultimate goal would be for her to live more independently, outside of your immediate household.
College is not for every young person. It sounds as if she has made progress in the time she has been with you, and the stability of your household has given her time to mature.
