Ask Amy: It takes two to gossip

Dear Amy: I have a long-standing platonic friendship with "Brian." He was recently diagnosed with a very serious illness.

I have always and often treated Brian to restaurant meals and entertainment. I have more than he does, and I am genuinely happy to do this.

The last time I paid for dinner, Brian sounded angry. He sneered and said we are "just a couple of gossips."

It's true that I talk about what is going on with me and mine. He also tells all in great detail. To be honest, we're both pretty boring — and so are our families and friends.

We all make mistakes. We are all human. I have lots of regrets, and I've always talked honestly about them. I celebrate the good news I hear from him, and I feel sad when I learn about tougher events involving his friends and family. And then I forget it.

Now that my friend has a serious illness, is it rude to tell him I'm no longer interested in having dinner with him? And if we do go out to eat, what dinner conversation is now appropriate?

I guess if we are not allowed to compassionately discuss our friends and families, then we are left to discuss the news. I find the news pretty depressing. Is he right? Am I just a "gossip?"

When he remarked that: "We are both just a couple of gossips," he was referring to himself, as well as you. I see this as a fairly common observation to make when you realize that the bulk of the conversation is usually about other people.

You could say to him, "I've always thought our conversations were pretty benign. I never judge anyone you've told me about, and honestly think we're all pretty boring. But does it really bother you, or were you just blowing off steam?"

But yes, I would say that completely pulling the plug on this friendship now that your friend is ill is less than compassionate.

You say, "We are all just living our lives, doing the best we can." Ask yourself: "Am I doing the best I can?"

Dear Amy: I have been married for two years. I knew my husband had addiction issues when I said, "I do." But I didn't realize how much stress it would put on me.

I have thought about divorce, and even contacted lawyers, but I get sucked right back into the relationship. When he is sober, he is the man I fell in love with.

Right now, he is locked up, charged with assault with a deadly weapon (not a gun). I know this is my chance to leave. But my heart won't reason with my mind.

How do I give up on someone I care about?

Amy says: You don't have to give up on someone you care about. However, you shouldn't be married to, living with or physically near someone who puts your own health and safety at risk.

Care about him — from a distance.